You Will Want to Read this Before Dating a Man with Children

Dating someone with a child or children has its separate rule book. He might cancel last-minute because his kid is sick. Quick thinking romantic getaway weekends are rarely (or never) sprung on you. Dropping by his place at any given time, unannounced? Unlikely.

We’re familiar with situations where women have the bulk of the parenting responsibility. Primary custody goes to the mother unless there are extenuating circumstances. Now, the world is changing and so is this part of parenting.

Modern society is recreating the picture of a traditional family. Men are fighting for sole custody, couples are coparenting and splitting duties down the middle. Some men are choosing to have children on their own without a partner. Surrogacy is increasingly popular and helping bring new shape to the parenting game.

Personal exposure to various situations, including my own has provided me with a modest understanding of what to expect from a relationship with someone who has children. I’ve also witnessed second-hand some of the issues that can arise. There are always exceptions to any rule, of course. Each perspective will be as different as the predicament. We can only measure by what we’ve experienced.

Women are usually recognized for playing the role of nurturer and caretaker. But I have seen men play the featured character at home. They wake up to bathe, cook and take the kiddies to school or daycare. At the end of the day, pick up the little ones to take them home for their evening routine. Men who bear the responsibilities same as many women reading. So, what happens when you date one of these heroes?

I call him a hero because that’s what he might be to his son or daughter. He manages daily schedules, routines, fun, and not-so-fun times but he is present. Their father is a constant and dependable figure in their lives they rely on to thrive. Taking care of all their physical and emotional needs becomes this man’s priority. To love and protect no matter what, in spite of whoever. His job is to make sure they are happy.

As women, we want the attention of our partner. Dare I say, we want all of it a lot of the time. The one thing you have to be clear on is that dating a man with children means compromising, at times, more than you’d like. His children are the #1 in his life, as they should. They are no different than we are, soon as our little ones leave our womb we make them the center of our universe. Our precious offspring become the reason for everything we do.

Women have their work cut out for them juggling a balancing act but we do it. We switch priorities in seconds from work to cooking then finishing up with homework with the kids. Later, mustering up the last batch of energy to play wife at the end of the night. Men hve the ability to multitask, although many require more laser focus to keep all the balls in the air at once. Is it gender, individual talent or maybe practice?  Who knows but we make it work.

The age and personality of the children can change the scenario. The younger they are, more attention they require which takes away from relationship time. The couple will have it’s challenges getting into the right rhythm to maintain connected. There is more work involved to stay afloat of each other’s business. You need time together to develop a bond. If you’re both vested, ready to accept and openly discuss some of the issues that can be come up when children are in the picture – consider seeing where it goes.

Women want to be the central figure in their man’s life. The dating period is an exercise of exploring, learning and adapting to the relationship. If his children come first, it is a strong sign of his dedication and love. Wonderful qualities of a caring, warm and reliable mate. However, the sword has a blade. This is also a flag for you to remain aware.

Men who have primary responsibility of their children are fathers first. They will make certain accomodations. In the end, you’re the one that makes the choice. How many concessions are you willing to make for the relationship? Are you getting what you need? Is there a balance in his universe? Dating men with children isn’t for everyone. You walk a fine line between compromise and sacrifice.

There is no right or wrong answer. It’s a case by case basis to be determined by each person. Only you kbow what you can handle. Is he truly worth your patience or are you better off leaving the relationship on the shelf?

It’s completely your call. I thought it would be worthwhile to share a perspective that could be helpful to you.

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