Many of us spend a great deal of time setting goals for ourselves. We set a career path to follow early in life. While some run off to college, others try their luck in the working world. The end goal is to find low-stress, high-paying employment to bankroll a decent lifestyle. If the finances provide for some fun and pay for the anticipated family down the road, even better. Once we have the “dream” job, expectations of marriage usually follow.
Men aren’t badgered by the ticking of a biological clock. Women, however, can be more sensitive to time. The objective for some of us might be an amazing wedding with the love of our life followed by baby-making. Thankfully with the miracle of modern medical technology, women have been relieved from some of the pressures. In 2018, The Washington Post published an article about freezing eggs. It can be an option for those looking to wait to start a family. But it’s not an option for everyone. The process is very costly beginning with a short period of medication treatment to stimulate egg production. Once you have viable eggs they will need to be frozen and stored for future use. The expenses for a single cycle can reach $10,000. The prospect of taking on something like this makes the natural process more appealing. I believe a reasonable number of women would like to have a family. Of course, not all do. It’s a personal choice each of us has the right to make for ourselves.
I’ve now set the expectation of what my life would look like with minor adjustments along the way. I’d get my “dream” job after college followed by a wonderful wedding to the ideal man. Finally, have a beautiful baby to live with us in our perfect home. It would be icing on my life cake. I expected all this to happen for me. Short of writing the goals on paper, I opted instead to engrave them on my forehead (using invisible ink!). Ha. The worst of it was that it was all I could think about for a while. How did that work out for me? Nothing like I expected!
I had a beautiful church wedding in 1998. The divorce came shortly after the walk to the altar. Fast forward years later, I met and married the love of my life. It was a decade of ignorant bliss and some of the happiest ever. The marriage was a bust after 10 years together – none of which I’d take back. A beautiful child came from that union. So, I met my expectations but at different times in my life. My neat package was intercepted by real life.
We set all kinds of expectations during our lifetime then we’re extremely discouraged or depressed when things go sour. Our immediate response is to look at ourselves as a failure. How about if we changed the way we look at things? If we reframe our mindset. Consider how you would see failure if the outlook is switched? Granted, shifting perspective is very difficult. We train our thoughts so much so, they’re ingrained in our minds but it is possible to do this if we’re willing to make changes.
1. Examine Your Attitudes? Be honest about what your point of view is regarding life, love, relationships. Who or what influences your perspective? How do you measure “failure and success?”
2. Modify Thinking: If you changed the way you see and think about, for example, failure. How different would your life look? During this time of exploration talk to others to see their view on the subject. It’s essential to this exercise that you accept and respect others way POV (point of view) without letting them influence you in any way. At the end of the day, only what you think matters.
3. Learn New Information: In order to change perspective, we need to learn about the way others think. It is essential to read, take courses, travel to educate yourself as much as you can. Read books, magazines, articles about varying subjects. Any materials from politics to human stories without limiting yourself. Knowledge opens up the mind introducing you to the external world outside your own.
4. Engage, Communicate and Seek Freedom: The one with control over your mind and thoughts is you. Changing perspective is a matter of shifting the mindset. There is true power in the freedom of choice to set your own example. We should use it to put in place individual standards of success, failure, relationships, etc., that produce the life desired and bring self-fulfillment.
Life is teaching me to outline expectations that rely on what I can do because I have no authority of other’s behavior. Altering the perspective helps me be less self-critical while putting less emphasis on the external. Eliminating the dependability on others for happiness. The work is ongoing and results take time but are definitely worthwhile. I believe by remaining open without judgment amazing things can materialize.
Hopefully, changing your perspective will bring an awakening to your own life.
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