We all like a little bit of mystery now and then. We say we want to know everything about the object of our affection. But a little intrigue keeps things interesting, doesn’t it? There is nothing wrong with not knowing it all to the last nook and cranny. Truth is we will never know anyone 100%. We ourselves are always learning something new about ourselves. So, how can we expect to know others down to the bone.
Although, the excitement of encountering an enigma makes it all more captivating. Remember, that there are specific details that you must know before taking a relationship to the next level. Prior to any serious commitment there are things we should be aware of about our potential mate. If you are looking towards any future with this person. There is basic information required before you interlock yourself with anyone.
1. Your personal needs should align with your partners: They don’t necessarily need to be exactly the same. However, it will make things easier if you complement one another’s needs.
– Does each of you enjoy individual down time? Do you like having girls night or night to yourself while he has boys night? Or do you feel abandoned and lonely when he chooses to do something without you or vice versa? How important is alone time for you amd partner?
– What do you expect out of the relationship as it pertains to male and female gender roles? Does he expect you to do the cooking and cleaning? He pays for dates and gets his needs fulfilled as desired?
– How does each of you define cheating? Technology drives everything we do. The lines of propriety become blurred. Do you and your partner agree on what is infidelity? Does an emotional affair count as cheating? It might seem obvious but you’d be surprised how guys and gals might differ in opinion. It never hurts to have the talk.
2. How do you and your partner feel about getting married? How about divorce? The answers will give you an indication of relationship goals. It can also provide an idea of its limitations. Would an easy separation be a solution to problems in a marriage if you did take a walk down the aisle? This should give you an idea of what you might expect in your future commitment.
3. Starting a family. How does children play into a life together? Is there a desire to have them? Surprisingly, couples invest years in a relationship without talking about it. Finding out down the road, either a partner can’t have children or has no desire for them. Are you willing to consider alternate options – is it a possibility? If you both want children. Do you agree on how you will raise them? This can be a deal breaker. Definitely a topic of importance.
4. Finances. Have you discussed debt? Prior to getting a real grasp of the things that were important to me in a relationship, I fell into this vortex. I was in a committed relationship with a guy for years before uncovering he had over 15K in debt. I found out by accident which made it quite awkward. School loan debt seems to be the norm these days but he also had old credit card debt. It’s not really the fact he had the debt. More so, the way it was sprung on me. We are a credit based society. I can relate to the issues as any other working stiff in the US. However, it would be nice to have a guy with a decent credit score – at the very least one that matches mine. Be careful of who you commit to since one day his debt could be yours if precautions aren’t taken. Discussions on finances can be embarrassing or feel invasive. But if you’re thinking of plan a future with someone then this is a conversations that should take place.
5. Shared values: Our morals drive the codes we live by. This might not be important to some people but it deserves a conversation. You want the person you are committed to living with similar principles as you. If you are considering starting a family with this person it is valuable to know what is important to each of you in life. By what standards you want to live your life and raise children together.
My suggestion is to poke the bear! Ask the questions that matter to you. These questions can serve as a guideline to get a conversation started as you learn about one another. Love is wonderful but we also want to make sound choices. Sharing some of the same thoughts about life and relationships will make your bond stronger.
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