The popular saying “curiosity killed the cat” doesn’t apply to women. We want to know the why’s, especially in relationships. The questions run rampant and it drives us a bit crazy when we don’t understand our men. Questions will vary widely among women, societies and situations. But there are a handful of questions that many of us ponder at one point or another in any number of relationships. Personally, it’s like a running joke. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve asked myself the same things. It’s like the recurring dream that never goes away!
Trending Google searches run in the trillions to these relative topics.
Inquiring minds would like to know how many of the five have you asked yourself lately, in the past? Did you ever ask yourself any of these questions while in a relationship?
1. Why won’t he commit to me? Age old favorite, he tells you he isn’t ready. He never wants to get married. It can also be a matter of “things are so good the way they are, why change it?” It all comes down to him not taking the step to make things official or legal. It appears there are basically three categories we can be put into by men. You are Ms. Right Now – he is living in the moment with you. The relationship holds Status Quo – he is comfortable with you. Things are ok enough to put the relationship on auto pilot. The ultimate level can be that he sees you as the Future Mrs., although it doesn’t guarantee he will walk with you down the aisle. Marriage is not for everyone but it says he has plans for a future together. Men are not incredibly difficult to figure out. I think for the most part, they prefer simplicity. If he hasn’t committed after a reasonable amount of time (you determine how much time is fair) there’s a reason. We all have a different definition of commitment: marriage, engaged, move-in together, date exclusively. You and your partner decide what works for you. However, if he isn’t moving the needle and you aren’t happy.. It may be he’s been burned before, timing is bad or it is just not something he wants. No matter the reason, it’s worth asking him directly why the relationship hasn’t gone to the next level. Sometimes, we avoid conversations over fear of being told what we don’t want to hear. But wouldn’t it be better than staying in a relationship that in the long run, won’t give you what you need? Life is too short to settle for less than what you deserve.
2. Why doesn’t he want to talk about it? All relationships have ups and downs. There isn’t a perfect partnership. We are complex beings with different experiences, personalities, beliefs and traditions. It is never easy to find the right balance in a relationship. It takes work which requires communication – that’s what we believe. Many men would disagree. They might think it’s a waste of energy or we’re making the issue bigger than it is. Bottom line, they are built differently. I’ve realized that a key to get him to talk is timing. Don’t catch him when he is watching the game or movie, when he gets home from work or when he is tired. It will not be productive. I’d say, get him in an environment outside your home. Definitely, not in front of the kids, friends or family. He will feel cornered making it uncomfortable. You want him relaxed, possibly on a day he is in good spirits. It is easier to share when you don’t feel like you HAVE to.
3. Why doesn’t he call me? Contrary to women, men can only focus on one thing at a time. The job of maintaining a career, friends, family and self can get overwhelming. If he doesn’t call right away, either he is really just focused on something else or someone else. A guy that is genuinely interested or cares for you finds time to call or text. Let’s be fair, technology has changed the game. Anyone can have a bad day. If you find a repetitive pattern of him going M.I.A then you might want to look into the issue bit closer to make sure your levels of interest match up. It will save you from future heartache.
4. Is he cheating on me? If you wonder whether or not he is cheating then you should re-evaluate the relationship. Although, some people are experts at the cheat game there are usually signs. It doesn’t make a difference whether it’s emotional or physical. Either way it’s deceit that will tear you up inside if you don’t face the truth. Excruciatingly painful, absolutely in the short-term. I’ve experienced it first hand, it can leave a mark but it won’t brand you forever. Look for the hints and trust your instincts to help guide those suspicions. You don’t want to be part of a relationship where you have to look over your shoulder. Real love is allowing yourself to be vulnerable. You can’t do that with someone you don’t trust.
5. Why do men think life is over once they get married? Men enjoy the freedom of doing as they please. Whether it’s enjoying boys night, eating what they want or a life without chores. They like having flexibility in their options. The autonomy they have when they are single is a gold mine. Marriage not only places boundaries, it takes away some of their power. Having a legal partner means sharing decision. Anything from what they will be doing Saturday night to how much they might spend on the latest and greatest modern television. The limits naturally set forth by all that marriage entails. You can see how they could view tying the knot as a sentence. Granted, every marriage is as different as the rules set forth by each couple. However, in their minds the mere word can cause some men to feel cuffs on their wrists.
Relationships are difficult. There are several levels of complexity brought on by all the baggage we bring into them. The most important thing we can do to nurture a healthy one is to communicate and share how we feel. Don’t sit to wonder what is happening in your relationship. Most of all, don’t be afraid of rejection or hearing something you don’t want. It’s far better to be hurt by truth than to be burned or mislead because you’ve postponed the inevitable. Ask the tough questions, whatever the outcome you will have options. As the song says “Life is a Highway” ride it. In the long run, things have a way of falling into place leaving you where you are meant to be.
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