What Does It Mean When He Says, “I Need Space?”

We had been casually dating a couple of months. It was not enough time to know if we really wanted to commit or the relationship would run its course. The head over heels philosophy went out the window with my second divorce. Trips to splitsville created a level of cynicism hindering me from genuine attachment. The end was usually in sight before the next date, regardless of the “Who”  during this period in my life. Some referred to my attitude as “jaded” while I labeled it, self-preservation. The logic? If I expected the worst then I would not be disappointed when the relationship went awry.

It so happens, I was having fun dating this particular guy. It was a carefree good time with a mutual attraction and ease when spending time together. There was every reason to believe we were hitting it off. He had few minor personal issues. I did not think anything of it, as we all have dirty laundry to sort out.

Date night was always an adventure with “The Captain.” I never knew what he was planning but it was always fabulous! Getaway weekends, adventurous road trips or romantic dinners for two.  The rendezvous were never dull. Unfortunately, our last date was not what I expected. The dinner was a precursor to the finale of a lovely courtship. The conversation taking place felt like I was the birthday girl at a party where someone popped out of a cake! On this night, The Captain, as I call him with endearment uttered those words no girl wants to hear when she is secretly smitten,”I really like you but I’m in a weird place right now, I need some space. It’s nothing you did. I can’t do this right now.”

I wasn’t exactly angry but my ego was crushed. Hurt, confused by his kindness and tortured by the why. Not entirely satisfied, I put my tail between my legs walking away with the remainder of any dignity I had left, after the chat. I never saw him again but things have a way of working out.  Have you ever had such a moment?

I didn’t realize it at the time. The Captain was doing me a favor by asking for space. Anyone who is not sure they want to be with you – does not deserve you. If he cannot handle you or what you have to offer then why invest any part of yourself on something that isn’t worthwhile?

The need for space likely signifies that the guy is overwhelmed by the relationship. He may need time to think or sort out his feelings about you or an issue going on his life. Men have a different emotional makeup than women. Usually their preference is to think alone without distractions. Talking it out, as many of us like to do is not an effective use of their energy. Insisting he discuss the reasons is not the best approach. Nothing he says will satisfy you, anyway. Every relationship is unlike the next, so are the people in it. However, I’d say that people, in general, do not like being pushed, pressured or coaxed into taking action when not ready.

If he needs space, step back. Allow yourself to be enlightened by remembering your worth and wonder. If he walks away, do not personalize it. Instead, think of it as a higher power making room for someone better to swoop into your life. Believe it, all in time falls into its rightful place.

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