Have You Lost Your Identity in a Relationship or Motherhood?

“Reclaiming my identity required I reboot. I wasn’t sure where to begin the process. But I knew the journey to my best self would include a set of questions and tasks to help untangle the mess I made of myself. I began with these 4 basic but essential steps setting the blocks for my rebuilding. It worked for me, maybe it will help you.”

– Excerpt from ”A Journey to Becoming the Best Self”

Losing your identity in a relationship is one of the easiest things to do as a woman. Falling in love and wanting to be the best partner can lead to putting our needs behind. As mothers and wives, it’s natural to have the desire to please those we love, unconditionally. There is no culpability to assign in the case. We do it out of love, dedication, and loyalty without ask. Happily relinquishing time, energy and independence to build homes, relationships, in addition to raising children.

Years ago, I too lost myself in marriage and motherhood. I feel grateful for having had a chance to experience an all-consuming love. Today, I have a better balancing act. The sacrifices of the past demonstrate my capacity to love. Although wonderful, it is no way to live an entire existence. I have learned nurturing the relationship with yourself is an integral part of wellness.

Losing my identity was not only frustrating. It became an inner struggle that I could not share with anyone. It felt as if I was on an island alone filled with shame. The inability to stand up for me led to temporary but constant sadness. I knew I had to get out of the cycle for my sake and that of my offspring. Being true to myself was the only way to get out of the sham I created over time. There was no blame to pass because I created the monster.

If you are battling with how to find yourself again after getting shuffled in the roles of life, there is good news. You can reclaim your identity at any point you decide you are ready. It is never too late to reinvent the wheel or come back home. The two most important things you should do to get started on this part of your journey? First, understand that you are not alone in what you are going through, this happens to more women than you can imagine. Let go of any embarrassing feelings and guilt because this is all part of the journey.

Secondly, we learn through living, therefore don’t be scared to feel. Try not to regret the things you have done. If there is something you want to do, now is a good time as any to give it a go! You find out who you are and what you are capable of, by trying. Make room for the activities, hobbies or possibilities available to you. You may be surprised by what you find out about yourself during this time.

Losing ourselves, whether in motherhood or a relationship does not have to be the end all. Fight for a balance in your life. You are a person your own person. A person worthy of happiness, there is much joy in being authentic. Loved ones should see you – really see you. More than mommy, spouse, wifey” or his bae, you are a woman.

Don’t be afraid to seek out the real you. As an empowered woman, you owe it to yourself to live out a true identity. She is in there – somewhere, go get her!

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Photograph by The ABView Photography.