Relationships have peaks and valleys as unique as the parties joined by such strong emotion. Phases of intoxicating love and devotion to irritable tolerance. Years or decades, assimilating to create a relationship that offers ideal stability. It’s a catch-22 to want the excitement of young love while working to build the security of a long term union. We face endless challenges during the construction of the perfect balance.
My longest relationship lasted almost 10 years. The emotional and physical reliability provided a security blanket of sorts. It was comforting to have familiarity. While some prefer to lose the safety net in the name of starting over, others remain in a struggle figuring out how to make it work. It isn’t always a clear cut decision to do away with a relationship when the problem is boredom or dissatisfaction. Couples have been known to rekindle the flames of love by taking extra measures to fix what’s broken. This particular issue is not black and white, as in matters of abuse, love loss or betrayal. Two people may care deeply for one another but not be in sync.
It is relatively normal for a couple to fall into a humdrum stage with a partner of many years. You get to know each other’s quirks, preferences, and aversions over a lengthy period. Sometimes you are able to read him like your favorite book. Routine becomes a major part of everyday life over time for all of us. Getting too settled often leaves lovers taking the relationship for granted.
Is your husband or boyfriend feeling more like a roommate, lately? Does it seem one or both of you has lost your groove? If any of these scenarios sound like your current reality, don’t fret! Many men and women are in a similar situation. As a woman, what do you do when it’s not working? If the foundation of love, respect, loyalty are solid in the relationship then you likely have your answer. In any relationship, there is give and take. Issues arise for each of the persons involved as they walk their own journey. Crossroads and changes are inevitable as a couple but some of the problems can be resolved with effort on both sides.
You should find an effective starting point while you look to dig the relationship out of its ditch. However, your partner must lend a hand to mutually work towards the goal of saving the relationship.
There are two key elements to get you back on track. Although, suggestions seem simple enough, for many couples it is a chore requiring extensive patience and effort. It can be difficult for some women to voice their lack of satisfaction. The hesitation can from fear of hurting a man’s pride or speaking up. In various cultures, women are taught to sit pretty – and quiet, stroking lovers’ egos. Learning to express your needs is more than okay, especially, if you do it in a constructive manner.
- Communication: Initiate a dialogue that is productive. Assigning blame will not encourage either of you to let your guard down. It tends to have the opposite effect. The last thing you want is a defensive partner. A vulnerability has to set in, to allow each person to feel a certain level of safety. Opening up about how you’re feeling helps. Although I love the idea of mind readers, it’s an unlikely skill any partner will possess. Hopefully, showing your soft side can draw sufficient empathy to entice each of you to work on mending the rift.
- Pay attention: A lot of trouble can come from neglect. Taking interest in your partner’s overall wellness includes asking about their day, thoughts and desires. Never assume you know everything, so there is nothing else to learn. We continue to evolve while in relationships. Men are known to have a tough time expressing themselves while women can be fooled into thinking they don’t have a voice or shouldn’t share too much. The combination leaves partners in a pickle! Neither of you will know there is a problem if both remain silent.
Digging the relationship out of a rut is possible but a commitment on both sides has to happen in order to push forward together. Sometimes, when we’re going through something we’re so focused on ourselves that we forget the other person. Putting yourselves in one another’s shoes can assist with understanding. What could you do more to raise the exchange of affection and sharing between the two, bringing you the togetherness you desire? You don’t have to reinvent the wheel, just learn to manage the changes.
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