Is the Concept of Monogamy Flawed?

Whether you are a man or woman who is married, dating, living with a partner or in love, this subject has been a topic of conversation at some point in your personal life. We can debate all sides of monogamy. We are not a polyamorous society by any means, living the complete opposite in our most intimate relationships. Couples are generally, expected to uphold the rules of monogamy. The norm is to take on a single partner when exclusivity is declared. Have you ever asked yourself whether it is a fair expectation? Are humans capable of eternal faithfulness to one mate? The answer depends on who you ask.

Growing up in a household where adultery has been the source of many arguments makes it difficult to have an unbiased opinion on the subject. My mother and father married young which may have contributed to his inconsistency. There’s no easy way to remove painful memories.  Acts of betrayal lead to insurmountable resentment creating scars that can take years to heal.

I’m not quite sure if it was an underlying lack of self-worth or all I knew but as a younger woman, I lacked an expectation of monogamy from partners. On the journey to womanhood, I learned to accept that although not practiced by everyone, loyalty is important to me and must be reciprocal. It is a choice I make every day in my relationship, as such I selected a partner that stands for the same ideal.

We can make the argument that humans are not born to mate with one partner forever. It is not our natural instinct to be monogamous. After all, there is a very small percentage of mammals known to form monogamous bonds. Why should we be the exception? Modern relationships are taking different shapes to accommodate human behavior. Could the reason for the growing number of couples engaging in open and polyamory relationships be a telling sign that we are not born to have a one-lifetime partner?

Others argue that sex has nothing to do with love. The body’s desire to satisfy a physical need is unrelated to the emotional attachment created with someone else. If you separate the physical from the emotional it may seem logical, even acceptable.  Planting this mindset is helpful when agreeing to a relationship where both partners have relations outside of each other. It is not for everyone but you have the right to live life on your terms.

There is no right or wrong answer, only what is best for you. We make individual choices that fit our lifestyle and suit our needs. Mostly, we try to make decisions we can handle within our lives. The idea of monogamy may seem flawed, especially, if you seek justification to support flaky or non-committal behavior. Although not suitable for all, the concept of exclusivity is practiced successfully by plenty of couples. I am a firm believer that different things work for different people.

If you choose monogamy because of the comfort, security, and trust it provides then celebrate it. There are benefits to mutually monogamous relationships that can range from discovering your partner’s most intimate preferences to worry-free relations not requiring regular STD testing.

As for myself, fidelity is powerful in itself. I choose to give my partner respect and stay true to him out of a promise of love and commitment. We are in a relationship because we want to be. Each of us appreciates the other’s expectation of monogamy.

Whatever beliefs you have about monogamy are personal. You get to decide what works in your relationship. I’d say, make sure it matches up to your partner’s and vice-versa.

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