Love is patient and kind but sometimes, it plain sucks! If you have been part of a toxic relationship or overstayed your welcome in an unhappy situation then you know exactly, what I am referring to. Relationships are complicated. Let’s be real, people are complex. Conflict is inevitable and it creates a push-and-pull that sometimes creates havoc or sadness in our lives. If we don’t have the ability or desire to resolve differences then these types of circumstances can fuel toxicity, resulting in unhappiness.
Plenty of us have a love story gone wrong but despite the grief, we remain in the relationship. Ask enough people and you will find that it’s not uncommon. So, why do this to ourselves, stay longer than we should? If we know it’s not right then why accept less than we deserve? Everyone has their own reason.
I am guilty of hanging on to dead relationships for too long. While the toxicity was obvious to those closest to me, I chose to see what I wanted instead of the reality of the situation. The younger me did not have the awareness to see past emotional aspects but hindsight is 20/20. Today, I try to make better choices but I’m only human. Learning to set boundaries was a key part of my growth, also realized that my decisions have consequences.
Have you or someone you know stayed in an unhealthy relationship and justified with below:
- “I can’t afford to leave.” Financial hardship is rampant. Inflation is not going anywhere but up. We are paying more for everything, housing, food, and debt. There is a legitimate fear. Breaking away from financial dependence can be difficult. If this is your case, develop a long-term plan to help get out of the situation. If you are not part of budget decisions in the home, make it your business to learn about your household finances. Consider a side hustle or part-time employment to begin a nest egg.
- “I can’t walk away from all the years invested in this relationship. How about if I end up alone, forever?” You have been part of a duet for a long time. Why walk away with nothing to show for it? You have someone to Netflix & chill, vacation, and spend holidays. Besides things aren’t that bad, it could be worse, right? Some people endure suffering for the sake of time. Whether, struggling with neglect, abuse, unhappiness, overall misery, or going through the motions of being in a relationship. This is your life, you choose. Do you want to sit in the passenger seat for decades or a lifetime? We only get one shot to do this thing. Should you base decisions on fear?
- “I have to stay for the sake of the children.” Understandably, it can be heartbreaking to see the faces of children when they find out about their parents splitting up. If you are in a dangerous situation or one that is damaging your mental health, it may be a good idea to evaluate what is most important and how will this affect the children in the long term.
Whatever, the reasons are for staying in a toxic situation or one not good for you. Ask yourself, is it worth it? Is there any part of you that believes you are deserving of better?
Love makes us do the craziest things. The power of it can move mountains but also influence us to go against everything we believe for fear of losing it. Letting go is hard. Sometimes, it messes you up so badly that the idea of keeping it around feels safer. Ultimately, the decision is yours. No one can tell you when it is time to surrender. There isn’t a universal answer but please, do what is right for you.
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