Women have asked each other and themselves this question for decades. The answer you get depends on who you ask. Some women say, absolutely, unequivocally – yes! All men cheat at one time or another. You might understand the logic for the response. Most of us have been hurt, disrespected or jaded by a man’s betrayal.
I decided to ask a group of some of the most well-adjusted, intelligent and mature men I know – “”Do All Men Cheat? Granted, it is a small scale sample but I was looking for any insight from a male’s point of view. It struck me that just as these men were honest about their faithfulness. There are others out there too. These guys aren’t unicorns!
Many of us women has been cheated on or knows a woman who has experienced infidelity in their relationship. Over time, it becomes somewhat of an expected behavior. It’s like saying “He’s a man, he is going do it sometime. That’s what men do.” It isn’t fair to label all men cheaters. Neither is it something we should expect from everyone of them. We deserve respect and honesty from our partners. Whether or not an indiscretion is uncovered at some point during the life of the relationship. Should we wait for it to happen? How can you have a healthy relationship while setting these low expectations as a baseline?
I’ve been hurt by the lipstick on the collar and secret phone calls from partners who obviously are not looking to share the same commitment. Finding the long, light-colored strands of hair in my shower during a time, I wore my locks short and jet black. Well, let’s say I’ve played the fool. Looking back, the red flags were there but I refused to see them. The guys I had been choosing weren’t exactly boyfriend material. In the back of my mind, the thought was “I will make him fall in love with me. He’ll never want anyone else.” Have you heard that one before?
It might be that human beings aren’t made to be monogamous and love is a choice. The jury is still out on those research results! But when you choose to love someone every day. The expectation is that you honor that person by not deceiving them. Two people in a relationship make a choice to be faithful. The decision can be based on love or on fear of all those things you stand to lose if the affair or indiscretion blows up in your face.
When entering a relationship a man in love makes a choice, as does a woman. The decision to cheat is based on the person’s character, not their gender. However, I do think that men have different needs than women. Therefore, running around behind a woman’s back may be attributed to other reasons.
- Classic Player – examine his relationship with his mother for possible childhood troubles that could have created serious insecurities. These issues can manifest during his manhood leading him to an unwillingness to give himself to one woman. Watch out for the crumbs he leaves behind for you to find. Eventually, this guy gets caught.
- Midlife Crisis – this is the guy who might have gotten married young. He looks at his life one day in a panic. Thinking his life is getting away from him. He might try to dip his trunk in a different pool to experiment with the bit of youth he has left.
- Escaping Reality – this man will feel like the walls are caving in. He will have the chores, stressful job, responsibilities of a family overwhelming his existence. It’s unlikely, he will express how he is feeling no matter what – guys aren’t built that way. Instead, he’ll foolishly try to mess around outside his marriage/relationship to make himself feel better before returning to the reality of his life.
It is worth mentioning that there are men that are just plain non-committal. They want to have different women at any given time. We know who those are and should steer clear of that type. They will burn you. You can’t change someone who doesn’t want change. It is not your responsibility to try.
Although, we may hurt from a previous deception we should try to allow for hope. Believing that not all men are predisposed to cheating is a healthier attitude than the alternative. Thinking every man you’re with will be unfaithful will end the relationship before it even starts. It creates an environment of mistrust, doubt and uneasiness. I’d say, let him earn your trust one action at a time while hoping for the best outcome.
There are good men out there that will not intentionally hurt you. They are not perfect human beings, that’s a fantasy but they can be honest and caring men. They will love and honor your worth as a women. Don’t accept less than you deserve.
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