Grateful for My Exes

The latest track from Ariana Grande, “Thank u, Next” is blowing up the charts. The song describes the artist’s realization of how her ex loves have all taught her something. Each lesson is part of her romantic trajectory. Learning love, patience and pain but at the end of it she connected the dots. Each relationship helped her get closer to her truest love – herself.

I’m sure most women will relate with the the singer’s’ lyrics. We spend a lot of time looking for that one love that will make us eternally happy. The goal? Get married and live happily ever after? Whoever “He” is, will give us a blissful life.

But eventually, reality steps in with her dose of truth. He isn’t ready? He mistreats you, giving you reasons to feel more pain than love? He breaks your heart in a million pieces because he isn’t who you want him to be? He is just the wrong guy? Does any of this resonate with you?

“Thank u, Next” is more than a pop hit. It’s an anthem. It’s a story many of us have in common. I’m no exception.

I’m lucky to have had an ex who taught me love. He showed me what it’s like to love without boundaries. He also gave me the gift of life, a daughter and memories, I will always cherish. This type of love was not sustainable. It took everything from me. My identity was lost in the relationship. After a decade, I couldn’t give him what I didn’t have. Ultimately, the love for me became bigger than the love we had together. My ex couldn’t co-exist with the love I had for myself.

Patience, I learned from one of my other exes. He helped me understand that what I want isn’t always what I need. Life has a way of giving us what’s necessary. Desires don’t have to match up. We just have to believe there’s something better waiting on the horizon. Increasing our threshold of patience improves resilience.

Wish I could say, only one taught me pain but I’d never lie to my readers! The lessons in pain have been repeated several times over. Until, I acknowledged my contribution to the issue – nothing changed. I wasn’t ready to see the ugly truth in front of me. These toxic relationships were my sadist but also, biggest teacher. The sooner we grasp what life is trying to show us, the less time we spend torturing our souls.

I’m grateful to my exes for paving the way. Relationships past have shown me so much about myself. What I don’t want or won’t put up with. Mostly, I’ve gained the courage to ask for what I deserve.

We invest a lot of energy trying to fit a square peg in a round hole. We don’t have to. Life is full of possibilities. The best part is – YOU decide what’s next.

Be thankful for those exes that have left your life. Their departure makes space for the beautiful moments that life is saving just for you.

Thank u, next.

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