Are We Settling in Relationships?
“We accept the love we think we deserve.” – Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower
Do you feel alone even when you are with him in a room? Is he a serial cheater? Do insults fly out of his mouth when he gets angry? Do you feel like you’re constantly trying to win his love? Are you a priority in his life? Does he ignore your needs but expect his met? Do conversations regarding the relationship break down and fall on deaf ears?
If so, have you asked yourself – why do you remain in the relationship?
As inexperienced young women we set out to find our “prince charming”. Once dating begins we find out relationships aren’t quite what we imagine it to be neither is the opposite sex. We have an idea of the personality traits and physical attributes we’d like in a mate. During the obstacle dating challenge we acquire bumps and bruises. Sometimes taking a beating from the run on the asphalt. We quickly learn that there are compromises to be made. Unfortunately, we can fall into a trap thinking we have to settle.
Dating isn’t easy, at times it isn’t even fun. We set up expectations hoping they’re met but things often fall apart. The potential guy might not have been as honest as you wanted him to, treated you poorly or wasn’t what you thought he’d be. In any of these scenarios, the situation may leave us insecure. Self-esteem is roughed up and second guessing ourselves is only natural. If you remain in the toxic cycle long enough you begin to make unhealthy choices believing it’s all there is or you deserve it in some way. The world of Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, in addition to print media contributes to a distorted view of relationships. It can portray a picture of “relationship goals” unrealistic to attain. Many of us, don’t see ourselves coupling up with the perfect man on the planet because he doesn’t exist. All humans come with flaws. Part of the glamour of social media is selling a vision minus the imperfections. They showcase a fantasy leading us to see smokescreens everywhere. We can’t live up to a fantasy. We end up settling for the next best guy who isn’t deserving of our love because we can’t get the unattainable – flawless.
Social media is only part of the problem. The bigger issue of why we settle is because we don’t think we deserve or can get any better. Crazy, isn’t it? Think about your dating history as far back as you can. Try to remember how you were feeling about yourself at the time. We attract into our lives what we think we should get. A lot of times the cycle begins early on during a time in life when you may have had feelings of unworthiness. It’s a key to unlocking why you feel this way. My experience has shown me that until we don’t put ourselves as a priority understanding that our needs should also be honored, valued and respected we won’t choose men that value all we have to offer.
Our pattern of bad choices can change but first we must take notice of the negative behavior. Firstly, if your partner is in ANY way abusive – it is a solid reason to walk away without looking back. If he makes you feel like you have to change who you are or brings you down because his needs are the focus then he is not deserving of your love. When you find yourself sacrificing everything while he is unable to compromise it will deplete you of energy. He isn’t a good match. Equal partnership means give and take. Both partners should receive some satisfaction out of the relationship. Once assertive of the value you bring to the table and the wonderful attributes you possess, you’ll stop accepting mediocre. Facing your truths will empower and strengthen you. Potentially, bringing new life to you that will help you glow like the gem that you are…
You deserve better because you are the best! You must believe it first. Once you are confident in that fact; everyone else will see that you aren’t the type of woman who will settle.
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