Do You Know Your Language of Love? Do You Know Your Partner’s?

Falling in love is easy. The hard part is remaining in that sea of emotions. Deep down we all just want to be loved. It’s all the more glorious when the love is reciprocal. The concept sounds simple but it is far from it. We want to have someone who will walk life with us as a witness to it all.  When we find the right partner is when the true labor of love begins.

The love language each of us speaks is as different as the individual. It’s important we take this into account in our relationships. Speaking a different love language than your partner not only causes miscommunication. It leads to a lack of understanding between partners’ ways of expressing love which can strain a relationship. The feeling of being unloved or lack of expressing it for your significant other can create resentment on both sides if it goes on for an extended amount of time. It’s essential that partners learn one another’s love language in order to encourage an exchange of emotional love. Getting a grasp of this can strengthen a bond more than we imagine possible.

Author and Speaker, Gary Chapman wrote “The 5 Languages of Love” originally published in 1995. The book is timeless selling over 11 million copies in the 23 years it’s been around. The author provides its reader with the five languages that couples use to communicate love. He explains that not only is it important to learn what language our partner speaks. It’s crucial to use it when communicating our emotional love to them. He narrows love languages down to a list of five below:

  1. Words of Affirmation – Hearing “I love you” has power for those that use verbal communication as their main means of expressing feelings.
  2. Quality Time – Giving these partners your complete attention is of the essence. Focusing on moments together without being distracted is how they feel your love. Taking the time to listen when they most need it.
  3. Receiving Gifts – The initial thought of these partners could be that they are materialistic. However, this is not necessarily true. These individuals like to be shown love by receiving the smallest token of appreciation. It’s all about the gesture letting them know you are thinking of them.
  4. Acts of Service – These are the partners who believe actions speak louder than words. They want to know they can count on you for help. It’s pretty cut and dry for them.
  5. Physical Touch – A touch is not always a trip to the bedroom. It could mean the subtle holding of hands, gentle kiss hello or caressing of the face. Showing affection in any way is welcome.  They have a need to feel wanted.

We’re complicated beings. We should expect to do some work in all relationships we hold dear. I’ve had to come to terms with the reality of this fact in my own life. A relationship can’t run on auto pilot or live on love alone. Both partners have to want to be there. Love doesn’t magically happen or is forced into motion. It is a choice we must make every day.

Once you and your partner can figure your what is your language of love. It will be easier to ask for what you need in the relationship. Being in love feels wonderfully intoxicating but real life eventually comes to the scene after the fairy dust settles. A healthy relationship will require that both partners contribute to make each other feel loved and understood.

There are, of course those relationships that are beyond repair. People fall out of love growing out of the space they’ve been living in for whatever number of years. Life isn’t always fair neither is love. We should try to gain the ability to comprehend these things will happen. Sometimes, we need to let go. Allow life to run its course so it can bring us closer to what we truly deserve. Deep down we’ll know when to wave the white flag.

I believe we can sense when something is worth saving. If it is, it might be worthwhile to learn the language of your partner to see if that improves matters. As long as he is willing to do the same for you.

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