A good majority of the population suffers from a lack of self-confidence. Our views on what represents beauty and success in our society is quite distorted. So much, it perpetuates the pressure to match up to an ideal that doesn’t exist. Undoubtedly, this can create or add to insecurities we may have about ourselves. Many having one or more which can affect different areas of life. It took me a long to time to understand this is totally normal. Even the most seemingly confident man or woman has self-doubt.
Giselle Bundchen published a book in 2018, in which she shares personal stories about her life. In it, she admits to having panic attacks and thoughts of suicide prior to her breakout appearance on the runway as a supermodel. During an interview with People Magazine, she said “Things can be looking perfect on the outside, but you have no idea what’s really going on,”
Now, how many times have you or I thought the exact same time? Honestly, for me one too many times.
I’m guilty of trying too hard to stage a perfect picture of my life. While married, I worked incessantly to put on a show hoping my life would appear flawless. The task is not only exhausting, it isn’t rewarding. The total opposite happens. It ruins you internally because you aren’t being true to yourself. I was desperately trying to appease an audience. I wanted everyone to think my life was amazing. As life would have it, the only one fooled other than strangers who didn’t know any better was “Sincerely yours.” Those closest to me, people who knew me at the core weren’t deceived by my acting chops.
Somehow, I believed a level of perfection was tied into my self-worth. The truth was, I was far from perfect! Instead, fearful of everything. terrified of the rejection or ridicule that would come if I revealed all the things that were wrong! It was a time of despair and heartache causing some isolation.
Nowadays, things are different. I’ve taken accountability of my mistakes and failures which I nicknamed “sleeping woman’s life lessons.” I don’t owe anyone explanations for who I am because I’m enough. Some time ago, I came across the term “perfectly imperfect.” It’s a simple phrase, yet, complex. It accurately describes how I feel about myself present day. Accepting and embracing the woman I’ve become is one of my greatest wins.
How did I get to this point? Like everything else in life by doing the work no matter where it would take me. These 3 steps helped me immensely, maybe they’ll get you started on this part of your journey.
1. Showing up for yourself every single day is essential. We have to be willing to drop our bags and open them up to the world. Unapologetic for who you are, you’re beautiful inside and out. No matter what anyone else thinks. We all have our share of spring cleaning to do. We’re work in progress. Consider all the gifts you bring to the world.
2. Having a desire to love. If you don’t embrace and love yourself – you will never accept all of you. Your faults, flaws or mistakes are part of you but don’t define you.
3. Understand this, you are unequivocally, not the only person with insecurities. We all have them. They manifest differently and in varying proportions but as human beings it’s ok to have them. The most self-assured individual hides an inch of insecurity at the very least.
Having insecurities doesn’t make us weak. It takes courage to let go but can be empowering to own everything about who you are. Especially those things you don’t necessarily love about yourself. The vulnerability in showing your human side is what connects us to others.
Be prepared, it’s a labor of love to come to terms with the person you are. The work never ends because constant reinforcement is necessary to maintain the new mindset. Anyone can have an off day. I can’t permanent delete self-doubt. However, I’m able to silence the voice that tells me “you’re not good enough.” Why? Because now I know, I’m so much more.
There isn’t a magic trick that will make insecurities disappear. These are steps I repeat daily to remind me of what is real. The more I do them the stronger my self-confidence. It builds over time and requires patience.
Let me know if any of these help you towards finding authenticity. If I did it, you can too!
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