Trust is one of the most powerful emotions we have as human beings. Whether, it’s giving or feeling it; we fear the vulnerability attached to putting our confidence in someone else. We rely on the belief that the person we’re trusting won’t intentionally hurt, betray or take advantage of our good nature.
Trust is earned through consistent action. It isn’t something given gratuitously because we’re overwhelmed with love for a partner. It should be tempered slowly to create a strong net that will rescue you when relationship waters get choppy.
The beginning of a courtship should be carefree and fun. Two people getting to know one another’s quirks, personalities and history. You live out different experiences together making a collage of stories for you to reference in the future. The trust should grow as you get to know and care for each other. Having an honest exchange of thoughts and feelings about the relationship is necessary. It helps to express love, as well as, solve the issues that come up. Over time, it reinforces the bond you both share. So long as you maintain an open line of communication it’s the usual natural progression. These dynamics organically form unity. One of the most important aspects of solidifying a relationship.
There are other actions you and your partner can take to promote trust in the relationship. These are basic practices but crucial as you begin work on the commitment to join forces as a couple.
Years ago, I had a painful betrayal. Unfortunately, many of you reading are able to share in my experience. Being burned jaded me for some time. I was thrown into a tailspin when I returned to the dating scene. I was heading into the battlefield head first with a cheating incident ingrained in my memory. I had no idea how I was going to confide in anyone, again. My brother-in-law said to me, “Make sure the man you decide to put some faith in, does what he says he’s gonna do.” In other words, if he promises he will pick you up at 8:00pm. He is at your door at that time. If he says, he’ll call on Tuesday night. Your phone is ringing on that Tuesday! A man’s word should mean something. Filling his mouth with empty words he can’t stand by could be an indication of lack of character. It should raise a red flag – beware. How can you trust him when you can’t trust his word?
You and your partner should have a circle of secrecy of sorts. You tell each other things you might not divulged to anyone else. This means you have a certain level of confidence and there will be no judgment. Whatever is discussed will be kept in a vault between you two. These small contributions are part of the glue that mend you together.
During this time of learning trust, we should remind ourselves. We are imperfect beings. Men and women follow patterns that at times are tough to break. Relationships are a give and take between two people who aren’t always in balance. We must acknowledge our faults, too. Try practicing forgiveness when called for in a situation. It’s up to each partner to decide on their capacity to overlook a wrong. Certainly, there are indiscretions that cannot be exonerated for one reason or another. Each of us has the right to choose what is best for ourselves and the relationship.
We’re all a work in progress. Personal growth is a long journey requiring patience. I learned that I wouldn’t be able to trust anyone until I learned to trust myself, first. Neither of these was easy but certainly doable. Both partners must be willing to contribute to their emotional development. If each of you brings your best self to the table, it increases the probability of success in the relationship. Love is the foundation of a good relationship. Trust holds it together.
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