The Art of Recycling Relationships

If your ex showed up at your door with jewelry, gifts, flowers and an out of this world, heartfelt apology. Would you take him back? Are you open and willing to jump back into those old boots? The boots you were wearing when you walked out on him after he critically wounded you over and over, again during the relationship.

While pondering the thought consider this story.

As young, inexperienced women we tend to be kinder and more forgiving souls unless childhood trauma challenges the way we look at people. There are individuals born into situations that feed distrust. I could make a case for the ones that put too much trust without it being earned. Naive, maybe. But my heart was in the right place. It all happens for a reason. The woman today, would play it very differently.

Lessons of the 20’s taught me some things I’ll never forget. When a man shows you who he is, make a mental note. You can’t change people. I dated the same guy for about a year which felt like the longest 12 months of my young life! We call him “BB” short for bad boy and he was indeed a hot mess! Deep down I knew he wasn’t good for me. Guess, my daddy issues were raging around that time. There were always females around him. No matter how often he said the girls were just friends, I knew better. Intuition is brutal, she doesn’t lie. It told me he was being less than honest. Not surprisingly, he cheated on me a few times. One, too many times, I forgave the indiscretions. We played the breakup to makeup game which became all too psychologically and emotionally exhausting. Recycling the relationship didn’t help in any way. Giving him chance after chance didn’t fix him or us. It made everything worse creating a vicious cycle of toxicity.

The reality is that you can’t fix people. Putting that work on yourself can lead to heartache and disappointment. The first time a relationship crashes and burns, examine the violations. What were the events that took place to lead you to ending the relationship? If it doesn’t work a first or second time. Why believe it can work a third or fourth?

There are times we invest a lot of time and energy in something that cheats us out of true happiness. The reasons we do the things we do are ours – no explanations required. It isn’t our job to make others understand our actions. However, we have a responsibility to be kind and loving to ourselves. Love yourself enough to raise the bar. Expect more from the partner you choose. The gifts of love you bring into the relationship should be cherished and reciprocated. If he does not measure up to the loving, honest, considerate, respecting man you are worthy of – he doesn’t deserve to have you.

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