Infidelity, whether you’re thinking of doing it or has been done to you is difficult. Forgiveness of any kind is a personal choice and quite complex. The idea of your significant other cheating on you in any way can be excruciatingly hurtful. But it happens, these are real life situations that unfold with and without warning. So, how do we know for sure if they’re cheating? We don’t, really. Unless, the evidence is staring us in the face. We can, however try to decipher the information we have to make an informed, sensible conclusions before making any decisions about the marriage or relationship.
Women are perceptive. Not only do we have the gift of intuition but we have natural empathy. Most of us are able to read people, whether it’s because we pay more attention to people’s feelings or it’s innate. Certainly, we can feel when something is off kilter. Moons ago, during my early 20’s, I fell for the bad guy. You know, the one you’re not supposed to date. The guy that has trouble written across his forehead. Every fiber of your being tells you that he will hurt you but you turn a blind eye believing you can change him. Do you remember that one? I saw him coming from a mile away but I got in the arena like a matador waiting for the bull. I caved into the scam. One year into dating, it was over – painfully, dramatically, dreadfully – ended. Why?
We’ll call him “BB” and he was bad. He had friends everywhere which I had no issues with until I started meeting the circle of friends. They were all females – and he had no shame in hiding them because they were exes turned friends. The funny thing was, in my heart of hearts I didn’t believe the friend story although, he was extremely convincing. Late night calls, lack of interest in me and just an overall bad feeling that I couldn’t shake. Thinking back, it was right in front of me. I wanted to believe he was a changed man and his declaration of love was real. Have you ever heard “a leopard never changes its spots?” The core of a person doesn’t change. When they show you who they are – believe it.
I’ve never really bought into life’s coincidences. I’m of the belief that we are put in situations for a reason. The moment is either designed to teach you something or will be a lead step towards your next life lesson. One night, as I walked home from a night with friends, I was approached by a young girl who recognized the Letterman jacket I wore in the rain, under my umbrella. We talked for a short time until she confirmed my suspicions. It was one I already sensed, guess I needed confirmation. Evidence was handed to me on a platter that night. I turned out to be one of BB’s numerous girlfriends.
There are tell-tale signs when a partner is acting dishonestly. He will will give off signals he is a rotten scoundrel. Many of us might be familiar with the late nights at work, unexpected need to dress up, secretive calls or texting and picking arguments. There were signs for me too. No matter how much I tried to silence my thoughts, sirens were going off in my head.
There will be lovers that pull the wool over your eyes. The skill to manipulate you or a situation will be genius. As sly as a fox but everyone makes mistakes. Human beings aren’t perfect. Be cautiously optimistic until you have a reason not to be because driving yourself mad doesn’t do anyone any good. Truth always comes out. Meanwhile, stay balanced by doing self-care.
Technology today further complicates this matter. Use of texting, email and social media has added gray areas confusing us, as to the boundaries to set in relationships. Each couple has to determine their level of comfort. No one should have to tolerate disrespect of any kind.
Confronting the truth is brutal. The pain of betrayal causes a lot of damage mentally and emotionally. It took a long time before I was able to put my trust in anyone but I also understood that I played a small part. Turning a blind eye to some things made me an easy target. Nonetheless, it was unfair and I didn’t deserve it. When evaluating the obvious clues to determine if he is cheating, remember to trust your instincts. Intuitive thinking is a powerful tool. Don’t feel afraid to trust what you feel. If he is a cheater, you will want to know. If this is the case, you will get passed the pain. You’re stronger than you imagine.
If engaging in a certain behavior doesn’t feel right then it’s probably a sign not to do it. Just the same, if your partner behaves in a manner that makes you uncomfortable, it might be time for a frank conversation. Communication is key but so is your own intuition. If something doesn’t feel OK – there is almost always a reason.
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