Have you ever ghosted anyone? Has someone ignored or declined your calls and texts after demonstrating interest or taking you on a date? It’s an unwarranted disappearing act chosen as a way to cut the legs off the possibility of a relationship. Leaving behind a woman (or man), puzzled and questioning what sparked such action.
Dating is tough. Trying to get back into it after divorce is like a chess competition with a twist. You have to watch out for the ghosts and goblins! Re-learning the mating game will burn you at times. If not careful, we can get sucked up by the insecurities brought on by the different experiences.
I tried dating after my marriage ended. There were plenty of encounters with hobbits among those offering no compatibility. The biggest challenge for me was “ghosting” and how not to manage the aftermath.
I met a nice enough guy who ghosted me after couple dates. Every single one of my messages went unanswered for weeks. I stopped reaching out shortly after that time. It was a frustrating and embarrassing incident. All I could do was wonder what could I have done wrong to get that reaction. Looking back today, I realized it wasn’t my issue. It was nothing I did but his immature and cowardly way of handling matters.
Human beings may often use avoidance to delay having to own up to saying those famous words “I’m just not that into you.” It might well be, he isn’t ready for any type of relationship. These are completely acceptable reasons for not pursuing. However, it’s certainly not the most adult way to handle the situation. Either way, it’s going to happen. Our increasing use of technology in the modern world will only continue perpetuate the problem and lack of communication.
In my experience, the most important lesson in being ghosted is learning not to personalize it. We have no control over other people’s behavior but do of our own. An extremely difficult task but the more confidence we build, the better we become at dealing with the problems that arise in dating.
I’d say the other point, I would make is to try having empathy for others. If you aren’t interested, not ready or simply not attracted don’t pull a vanishing act. Be upfront in expressing your lack of interest or compatibility. Let him down with kindness. He might not be for you but might be the a match made in heaven for another woman.
They say there’s someone for everyone in the world. Why not leave a clean slate for another love to start for that someone.
The best way to get over being ghosted is to remind yourself of how amazing you are! The ghostly act is not about you. There will be plenty of men that will give you the right attention. His loss is another man’s gain.
Keep it moving…
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