“You’ve now read about the heartbreak and hardship of separation. Sure, you have your own tales of disenchantment. Hopefully, enough time has passed that you now have a better grasp on everything. Are you ready to explore love, again? If not, it’s totally ok. There is no rush on coupling up. When you are at that place, you will know. I’d love to
tell you how amazing your love life will be post-cleanup of divorce aftermath. Would love to share great stories about a tall, dark and handsome gentleman sweeping you off your feet and putting a big rock on it—a man who will check all the boxes on your list. Do you believe in fairy tales? ”
– Excerpt from “A Journey to Becoming the Best Self”
My second marriage had years of beautiful moments. I chose to live in a bubble to make sure everyone’s happiness remained intact, mine included. He was the best man he could be for me. Unfortunately, the chameleon I had become was too afraid to spread her wings. I thought concealing my realness would be the best way to guarantee a good outcome. Believing that if I showed my true self, I’d blow away our house of cards. I preferred to keep the fantasy alive over owning my truth. A decade into our union, efforts to preserve a perfect image became exhausting. The weary state contributed to the deterioration of the relationship. I knew deep down, I was not flawless. None of us are. The evolution taking place over time was inevitable. Eventually, the marriage ended. We grew apart.
The end of a long term relationship whether married, living together or dating weighs down the heart. You get used to the calls, text, intimate conversations while spending time together. Becoming vulnerable with that one person feels natural and provides comfort. Severing the strong ties can leave anyone hungover on feelings of abandonment or grief. Often believing there couldn’t be anyone else in the world that can make you feel that way, again.
They say that time heals all wounds. For a long time, I was quite cynical about love. Completely convinced love would not happen for me after such a painful breakup. It’s funny how clear things become when you fast forward to a time of peace. Present-day, my mindset has shifted to an understanding that much of those emotions stemmed from fear. Convincing myself I’d never love again, was a defense mechanism to help me keep love at bay ensuring the hurt would not repeat itself.
Everyone has their own way of managing pain. The heartache subsides, we shrug it off or bury all memory of the good moments hoping it forces any anguish to disappear. But by not allowing yourself to feel the hurt, you never process the events that have taken place. If you walk this path, there will not be space for new love. It is up to you to choose love. By loving yourself enough to go through the motions, you eventually release the bad and let the good back in your life.
Your heart has to be open to receive love. Once I was able to do this, everything changed for me. Love flowed back into my world. It will for you too – if you begin with forgiveness for yourself and your lost love.
So, will you love again? It is up to you.
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