Are Red Flags Waving Across Your Lawn?

Courtships are meant to be a trial period. The dating period is used to get to know each other. It can be filled with butterflies and all kinds of possibilities. A woman is hopeful. If only for a moment she gets to live in the fantasy, she may have met “the one.”

You might be familiar with the classic hopeless romantic. The woman (or man, in some cases) who tries to turn a frog into a prince. I’m referring to the person who believes the smoke screens instead of seeing truth. Romanticizing a relationship, life or partner is a perilous game. Ignoring red flags at any point during a relationship will get you in trouble further down the road.

Human beings all want love but when it costs your personal safety, self-respect, or forces you to give up your identity – is it worth it? Whether it’s love or lust, both emotions can drown you in someone else’s shadow. Sometimes, enough that you won’t see red flags flapping in your face.

As a young woman with an intense desire to get my love of a lifetime, I too idealized a few of my relationships in the past. Red flags don’t exactly catch you off guard. You see them waving from afar. If you don’t, then your gut, intuition or sixth sense will nudge you. Ignoring the heart will get you a bat over the head to pay attention. It happened to me a handful of times until the lesson was learned. Do not ignore those red flags. They will show themselves as long as you are willing to open your eyes.

There are three red flags that stand out the most for me. Not exactly obvious but they’re signs to watch out for in any relationship. If you notice any number of them, tread lightly and really get to know your mate before falling head over heels.

1. Too Much, Too Soon! If your new love comes at you like a lightning bolt, maybe taking a step back would be wise. Slow and steady is better to learn about each other’s quirks, goals and simplest compatibility factors. When I was younger, I thought it best to strike while the iron is hot! Go fast and furious in love. The problem with that approach is the probability of a crash and burn increases as you go.
2. You are his – and His alone! When we are drunk in love, we may feel thrilled by a man’s jealous rants. “He loves me so much – of course, he doesn’t want me talking to anyone else!” Experience teaches you this is a sign of insecurity. Any man that tries to separate you from friends and family or people that love you is demonstrating his possessiveness. The idea that your life begins and ends with him should make you suspicious. It is no way to build a healthy foundation. You both need a circle of support outside of one another.
3. Man of Mystery – Sexy or Creepy? We all love a little mystery, it’s exciting and adventurous. However, a man who is secretive or lacks the ability to share can also be dark. It’s not quite as attractive as you might perceive it. He may be hiding a past or emotions you are not prepared to deal with – and you shouldn’t.
   Everyone has baggage but you are not responsible for anyone else’s happiness but your own. Each person has to be accountable and walk their own journey.

There are other flags that are easier to spot. Good starting points to be leery of are men who have a severe lack of communication skills, volatile temper, mistrustful, extremely jealous, verbally or physically disrespectful or have unresolved issues with past relationships.

We aren’t perfect beings. No one is expected to be flawless but there are some boundaries that need to be respected in any relationship. A guy who seems too good to be true – usually is…

Remember these red flags next time you are having unexplainable doubts – there’s a reason for the way you are feeling. Trust yourself.

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