The One Thing You Should You Never Do

“Having recently survived a 10-year relationship with a child in
tow, a new love was the farthest thing from my mind. The battle scars were still open flesh wounds that required healing. Friends expressed the best remedy in healing a broken heart by saying, “one nail drives out another nail.” Although it proves successful for some, it can complicate a number of matters in other areas. A broken heart leaves you vulnerable. It’s nice to have the attention but it opens you up to hurting others or yourself. ”

– Excerpt from “A Journey to Becoming the Best Self

Always and forever doesn’t always work out. So, what do you do when the hurt is unbearable and it feels you’ll never get over the heartache? Therapy, self-help books, a girls trip to Las Vegas, a session of love songs, favorite ice cream while watching the best rom-com you can find? All of the above? Everyone has a different medicine to cure a broken heart. What you should not do is beat yourself up to the point of despair.

Love hurts like hell! When it does not work out. Whether you end it or your partner does, if love ruled your world, you are done! Sometimes pain can be so intense it throws your life off balance. We have to learn to accept there are people that will come into our lives to teach us something then go. Holding on to someone that is not good for you is a disservice. But how do you heal when you cannot shake the heartache?

Bandaids such as brief flings, self-medicating, self-pity or other unhealthy choices to eliminate the hurt will only put you in a deeper hole. Fooling yourself into thinking you can vanish feelings is a risky game. I tried to numb the bad emotions after my heartbreak without realizing I’d be crushing the good feelings too.

We do what we need to until we get to a place of healing. Time takes care of relieving partial wounds but we must help push it along by doing the work to make it better every day. Filling the void with a new name to forget only prolongs recovery. The funny thing about pain is, it requires confrontation. As scary, as it may be to look it in the eye, believing you are stronger than your fear will help you push through it.

You get over love in your own way but there are a few things to keep in mind during the process.

1. Acceptance: Embrace the end of the relationship. This can help you start thinking about what is next in your life.

2. Life Goes On: Facing this truth makes a world of difference. Whatever we are going through, it is crucial to remember having tomorrow provides an opportunity. Life will continue to move forward whether you are ready or not. Allow hurt to invade for a while. You have a right to feel the pain but not let it live inside your world indefinitely.

3. Love Yourself: Your universe changes when you create a web of self-love. It becomes a durable mesh protecting you from bringing in toxic people or situations into your life. It has taken me years to understand loving myself is the foundation for making sound decisions that will benefit me. It serves as a deterrent from allowing hurt of any kind to extinguish my light, permanently.

The one thing you should never do? Believe you will never find love again or your life is over. To the contrary, it is a new beginning. Once you find love within, no one can take your power away.

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