One Decision After a Breakup May Save You

“Love is a Many Splendored Thing” is not just a song. Falling in love releases endorphins that may take us on a magic carpet ride. We find ourselves excited to see the object of our affection. When the emotions are reciprocated it becomes a private party where not only do you feed off each other’s energy. You can get lost in a fantasy which eventually will be struck by reality.  In no way does this mean the mutual love will cease to exist. But, as we’re all aware, sometimes relationships don’t work. They can end abruptly or drag, complicating matters. Whether you’re dumped or the one ending things. You will find that love has the ability to linger. It can stay around long after the two of you have walked away.

We’ve seen the movie of the girl who gets left holding her heart. Once in a while, it’s the guy’s heart that gets smashed like broken glass. There are dozens of vices to silence the pain. Lack of sleep makes us cranky and irritated at the world. The sleep deprivation can show in the datk circles we wear each day after the breakup. Images of a more blissful time invade our minds. Our exes voice, scent and how he or she made you feel. Thoughts once treasured become unwelcome. They come to us without invitation. It’s as if we are asking for it but really the last thing we desire. The mind makes it more difficult because it creates a borderline obsessive pattern of thoughts that are difficult to get rid of.

Everyone at some point in their life will have their heart-broken. It’s the game of chance. The probability of it happening is 100%. I have felt paralyzed from the anguish of heartbreak. Feeling physical pain with no idea how long the torture would last.

Divorce can be one of the biggest disappointments we face as women. My divorce was excruciating heartbreak. Coming to terms with the end of my marriage took years to get over. So many days, I thought the pain would never subside. Believing for some time that I wouldn’t be OK was scary. I can tell you today, I’m on the other side of it. It has been a life-altering experience. I’m stronger, wiser and better for everything I went through during and after the ordeal. Changes took place when I switched my perspective. I had to accept what had happened in my life.

There is an important lesson you can learn from these moments. There is one crucial decision you can make to make the process slightly less crushing. Saving you from yourself. When you come to the realization it’s over – you will know. Your gut tells you when things are done. Unless, your partner makes the decision for you which can create havoc in our hearts and brain. Either way, allow yourself to grieve the relationship. Once you’ve had the time to eat the pint of ice cream, go to the nearest lake and scream at nature or blast your breakup playlist in your car or home. After it’s all said and done, make the decision not to be a victim. Find acceptance in what has happened to the relationship. It is upsetting and sad but you’ll survive the heartache.

You can write lists of reasons why your ex is a jerk. If helpful to you, make yourself feel better by bashing his character in your imagination but it won’t change the outcome. You can drown your sorrows in a bottle of wine. Of course, expect the expensive headache the next morning. Bottom line, you won’t be able to move forward from this until you arrive at acceptance.

The process is different for everyone. Each of us has a varying threshold of pain. However, it is necessary for go through the motions. Let yourself feel the sadness, melancholy, anger or whatever. Trust me, it would be a disservice to yourself to play numb. Many years ago, my mother told me “There’s no pain that lasts 100 days and the body that will sustain it.” You will go on. Your heart heals leaving space to love again – someday when ready.

Lastly, one worthwhile mention. Consider practicing gratitude and self-love. Doing so, can do wonders for your heart and soul’s revival. When we move on from pain we make room for a re-awakening. An opportunity to start over by reinventing oneself  emotionally, physically and/or spiritually.

This too shall pass.

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