When Does the Pain of Divorce Stop?

Divorce has remained considerably steady with close to 50% of couples marriages ending up in splittsville. Dealing with the emotional aftermath of this life-changing event can be crippling for many couples. The circumstances vary widely from couple to couple affecting spouses in different ways. A separation can feel like relief for some but death for others. For those that are left behind it can be severe heartbreak. The feelings of abandonment and loss caused by the event feels like a wave of sadness that overwhelms the soul.

The impact can be equally devastating for both spouses. In recent years, there seems to be a shift in the number of women initiating divorce. Today, we’re less likely to stay in our marriage when there is dissatisfaction. Whether the unhappiness comes from abuse, lack of love or the relationship becomes a chore we are more willing to cut our losses. Regardless of reasons for divorce, whether you’re doing the walking away or being forsaken it hurts. We meet our object of love and desire, spend an allotted amount of time with this person. It’s natural to get used to their affection, care and presence as they become a permanent figure in our daily lives. An attachment is created in the process leaving us at times too dependent for our own good. One day, you are completely stripped of the physical and emotional tentacles that were weaved into your existence. It can feel like a piece of you is being ripped away especially if you’re the one left holding these feelings. If he or she leaves you, it can feel like an 18-wheeler ramming into our heart.

You can invest time, energy and yourself into a marriage or relationship of years then it’s taken away – don’t you have a right to mourn the end of it? Placing a time limit on your pain is unfair. No one can understand your suffering better than you. It is your individual right to take the time you need to experience the denial, sadness and anger the event brings. As long as you know that at some point you will need to come full circle in your acceptance. There is a time when you will have to put yourself first. Once you reach a decision to stop being the victim, strength will pick up where pain left off. We are made of resilience, courage and there’s nothing we can’t do if we act decisively.

For centuries, women have had the role of matriarch, caretaker and pillars of inner strength. We have the power to overcome pain. Don’t relinquish the gift of self-love. True love is inside of you.

The pain stops when you say, it does.

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