We have seen her as a frequent guest on The Wendy Williams Show, Access Hollywood Live and the remake of Netflix’ s Gilmore Girls. Her face is recognized by millions, with a voice that is soothing and animated, as a storyteller’s should be. Nikki Boyer is the host and creator of the wildly popular podcast, Dying for Sex which is so much more than sex. It is the story of a woman on her journey to self-love.
My initial communication with Nikki came a few months ago when she contributed a quote for AW’s Dying for Sex article. During our exchanges, her personality shined through, especially her kind demeanor. I was elated when she agreed to do this interview. She is an example of a woman who owns who she is and says what she thinks. While some describe her as edgy, I celebrate her transparency when discussing womanhood with me.
You have been in the media entertainment industry for many years with great success. Oftentimes, in order for women to advance in the professional world they have to sacrifice something in their lives. Do you feel you had to give anything up, in order, to get to a place in your life, where you are satisfied with success? Can you share the sacrifice?
This is really interesting question. I do think at some points during my life, I have given up things or made sacrifices. But overall, I’ve made an effort for there to be a balance. I love working. But I also love human connection. The joy of what I do is that I get to have both at the same time. The small sacrifices made, include being away from family in St. Louis. Not seeing them as often is a direct sacrifice, to do what I love, in a city that I love. In Los Angeles, I have a support system of friends that feel like family but occasionally, I miss connecting with my roots.
I think because I’ve dealt with so much death, it’s caused me to be really aware of time. During my 20’s and early 30’s, I lost very important people in my life. I believe the losses shaped me in many ways. First, it gave me an awareness for the uncertainty in the time we have left. Secondly, it provided a reminder that we are the ones who get to navigate our own lives. Our choices on how we spend our time, directly reflects the lives we live. My experience with Molly prompted the reality of how we are the ones that get to choose, how to shape our own lives. We decide our reaction to things and yes sacrifices will happen but don’t let them rule you. Ultimately, self-sacrifice begins to feel a little less like sacrifice and more like choices.
The bio on your website refers to you as an #instamom. Newly engaged, mom of beautiful Bernadette – your insanely beautiful dog! You also carve time with your 2 stepdaughters, in addition to a busy career! It takes effort to master the juggling act of being a woman. How do you balance it all, a.k.a. “stay sane”? What is your must have when it comes to creating your best life at home?
Staying sane is a full-time job. LOL. Luckily my stepdaughters are teenagers and a little bit self-sufficient these days. But back in the day when they were younger, they needed a lot more guidance and help to do the smallest things like buttering their toast, it was exhausting – and overwhelming. It was also, time consuming. Watching the young ladies that they’ve grown into is quite rewarding. I’m still working on balance in my life but I constantly try to take time for myself. If my gas tank is empty then everyone suffers. So, I take a bath every single day. I allow time to breathe and connect with my fiancé. I make time for conversations and share parts of myself with him daily. Afterwards, I take the best medicine in the world, laying next to my dog, Bernadette. I’ve learned to carve out time for all of these things. Truth is without them, we are just balls of stress and anxiety running on auto pilot, plus “I’d much rather row my boat then be plugging holes in my boat.” Make time for self-care because the relationship you have with yourself is the most important one that you will ever have.
Many of us have listened to your enlightening podcast “Dying for Sex” on Wondry. Personally, it stirred up endless emotions as a female. As women, it’s ingrained in us to repress the sexual parts of us that are natural. It may not be ladylike to discuss sex or desire, as it can be perceived as inappropriate or taboo. However, at the same time, women are objectified in films, media and by a good part of the society. I believe there is freedom in speaking our minds without fear of judgment or backlash. You are known to be outspoken, frank and direct about all topics. Is there any subject relating to being a woman that is off the table or censored for fear of judgment? Is there a specific subject that you feel women should discuss more openly – if so, what is it and why?
This is a great question. Yes. I believe that women should be able to talk about sex as often as they would like. Soon as you talk about things, it removes the embarrassment. For some reason, in our culture we have created this shame around women and their bodies. Yet, at the same time, if you’re going to have a nude scene, it’s always a woman that gets exposed. I am noticing a some shift in this and it’s kind of nice! Being more sexually expressive is freeing. I encourage women to push the envelope a little. Go online. Explore. Have fun and if you are in a relationship, kick it up a notch.
There was a time when I wish I were a man – today, I know better! I was always jealous of how they are not judged on their weight, looks or what they do and don’t do. Presently, I embrace and love being a woman – wouldn’t have it any other way! It is one of the greatest gifts I have been given. What do you love about being a woman? What do you dislike?
What, I dislike about being a woman is our menstrual cycle. To me, it is torture to go through it each month. The PMS, bleeding then ovulation. I hate that it can paint us into a corner at times, due to the effect of being emotional and overreacting. If for one moment, a man could feel what goes on in our bodies when the hormones are out of whack, they would short circuit. Once, your reproductive years become irrelevant, you have to hit the breaks, as menopause kicks into gear. This seems like such an unfair crock of shit. LOL. However, what I love about being a woman is how soft creatures that we are, we can also be powerful. We give the best hugs, as well as, welcome strangers into our families. We have a capacity for love, like no other and multitask like a bad ass. But one of the biggest gifts we have as women is the ability to lift each other up in the strongest of ways. Female connection is so unbelievably magical and empowering that I try to use it every day. Give love to your sisters out there.
Your new podcast “The Daily Smile” which I love – is wonderful! My favorite episode is “Drone Love.” We need shows like this, especially nowadays. I find myself watching mainstream news for hours leaving me drained and sad. The podcast episodes are short enough to tell a story and make us a laugh, smile or feel good. The world needs positive energy, we should find ways to contribute something good during this time of uncertainty. I like to end interviews by sharing a positive message. Is there a quote or mantra that you can share to offer hope or comfort? It could be words that have helped lift your own spirits at some point in time. We are all in this together – it is a difficult period for everyone for different reasons, sometimes an uplifting quote can change our day.
One of my favorite mantras is about growth. Life is not easy. Sometimes it’s quite messy. We are constantly growing and learning. But I do often live by this… “You can either deal with the pain of staying where you are, or the pain of growth. You choose.” This helps me a lot when moving through decisions in my life. I don’t always practice it but when I choose to be mindful, it always pays off!
Our interview concluded with a powerful message. One that I believe will resonate with most of you. Hopefully, reading this article evokes thought or entices you to question, how can you bring more of yourself to the forefront in your life? Gone are the days when women had to sit still and look pretty. No more silencing the voices to make others feel comfortable or suppress identities to keep a man. Your first loyalty should be to yourself and the choices you make should reflect that because you are worth it.
Nikki’s courageous voice is a gift. She is a strong woman empowering other women to live their best life without filter. We all have a voice, by using it wisely and responsibly, each one of us can set ablaze our own trail of inspiration to help others flourish.
AW is immensely grateful to Nikki for sharing her story on this platform. I encourage you to open your mind, keep asking the questions without fear of the answers that may appear during your journey.
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