We had been seeing each other a few months. Dating after divorce was challenging. He was a breath of fresh air in my crazy world. The relationship had been going well. It didn’t seem to matter that we lived on opposite ends of the tri-state area. There was no indication leading me to think it would end as abruptly as it did. I received a call one night. He was honest, as he was endearing when he said, “You’re very sweet this just isn’t working for me.” Of course, I asked why? His response was firm and unapologetic “You are geographically undesirable.”
I can’t deny that the breakup upset me. It wasn’t just a bruised ego. It took a while to find a guy who was datable. The pool wasn’t exactly deep in my neck of the woods. It made the sting hurt bit more. In my mind options were limited, I was getting older and time was running out! I laugh about it today since it makes for a good story. It’s never as bad as it seems when all is said and done.
The 62 miles distance was a barrier for us but it’s not for everyone. Modern times have contributed to couples redefining the shape of relationships. There are married couples living in separate homes and others having open relationships while residing together. Bicoastal relationships aren’t unique nowadays. Men and women are pursuing professions seeking success that will provide security for the future. This can sometimes take you outside home base. It leaves many unanswered questions. Couples either never faced this type of dilemma. Having the comfort of support and benefits from their partner nearby. This throws adds a layer of complexity to any relationship.
Survival of a long distance relationship will depend on the people in it. It takes a tremendous amount of effort and creativity to nurture the bond between the two during times of separation.
However, there can be some advantages to a distant relationship. You don’t see each other nearly as frequently. So, when reunited sparks may fly and rekindling things. You might find your chats more stimulating. Missing one another and having the space to live individual lives can make things interesting. It’s also less likely to take each other for granted. Time together is valuable, you make it count. The space between you and your partner can serve to spice things up in the romance department. Living together 100% of the time can bring on a routines in and out of the bedroom which is quite common. Talking is sometimes a chore. Topics may become limited to work, children and bills.
There are positives to such a scenario but a downside is an obvious possibility, too. The stress of being apart long periods of time can take a negative toll on things. The long distance setup has the ability to cause a rift. Some couples need to be within close proximity. It’s not necessarily a matter of being needy. We all need human contact. The physical love and affection of a partner is not only soothing. It helps strengthen ties. But there are other ways to connect nowadays. Take this opportunity to find alternate ways of showing your partner how you feel. Stimulating conversations can help us get reaquainted, reminding you of the reasons you fell in love.
Dedication, commitment and understanding each other’s boundaries are crucial to help the situation work for you. Technology could is a great ally. You and your partner can exchange details of your day in real-time. Facetime, Skype and text with fun pictures create the visuals. These can make the other feel included instead of being left out. Best thing you can do if the time you’ll be spending apart is undetermined – make plans. Use your calendars to schedule fun together. Schedule quickie getaways that might encourage excitement. Having an event to look forward to is extremely important. Provides a level of expectation that will generate happy thoughts until the next moment together.
You shouldn’t be completely discouraged. It’s not impossible to make long distance love work. However, it does depend on the personalities involved. These relationships require a certain level of work and trust. It will test you mentally and emotionally. But if you are both on board knowing your love is worth it. Try, it will be the only way to know whether or not this will work.
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