Are You Giver or Taker in a Relationship?

Relationships of any kind are a give and take. In an ideal world, we would like to have an equilibrium allowing both persons to have their fair share. Love, attention, nurturing, financial support, the list of human needs is long. We often barter some of these in order to maintain the relationship but where should we draw the line in the sand? What are the two biggest blunders we make as givers or takers? How do you avoid repeating the behavior?

Have you ever found yourself giving the house away when enamored? Often a common misconception that will drain you. I would discourage letting yourself believe it’s the only way to love. Givers can be major people pleasers. The desire to make others happy feeds their soul. Uttering the word “No” becomes equivalent to disappointment which is untrue. The problem is, when we give, give, give, eventually, you empty the love tank. It is essential to understand that granting permission to put yourself first is completely acceptable. Relinquishing to the feeling of guilt can lead to a gradual increase of dissatisfaction over time that promotes self-guilt. The behavior brings unhealthy relationships to an unsustainable imbalance.

Givers have issues setting boundaries. It can be challenging to limit how much to render when you are fixated on the mindset that saying no makes you a bad person. The key to managing others’ expectations? Begin by remembering that you cannot be everything to everyone. Draw an invisible line between what you can realistically give without sacrificing yourself. Seek an equilibrium that will have the most effective return. Meaning, give others what you can, within reason. The give should be good enough but not deplete you of all mental, emotional, financial or physical well-being from your body.

Takers might look to have the better half of this deal but how long could you go without giving thought to anyone’s interest other than your own? This individual can be either very self-centered or genuinely oblivious to a loved one’s needs. In either situation, taking a cue from others can prove to be a difficult task. The behavior many times leads to serious problems in a relationship. It’s challenging to be around someone who solely thinks of themselves. Would you agree? As a taker, you may neglect to nurture and tend to a partner, friend, sister or parent because you are wrapped up in a world where it is all about you. We want those we love to be seen and heard, otherwise, they might not be there for us when the going gets rough. It’s in some people’s nature to be selfish but change is not impossible. Improvement is attainable when you acknowledge undesirable conduct and have the willingness to modify it. Ask the people you care about what can you do to help make their life better. It doesn’t have to happen every day but be consistent. Stay present as you work to create a web of security. People just want to know you care.

Healthy relationships need a certain fluidity. An ebb and flow of giving and taking that mutually benefits both individuals. Although, at any given period given a bad situation we might need to give more than we take, it is important to recalibrate when necessary. Anyone can fall in a trap that puts them at the mercy of love or accepting the status quo. A gentle nudge is helpful to get you to remember that YOU matter. Every woman reading this deserves nothing less than the best but first, you have to give it to yourself. It is the healthiest way to build the resilience that will make you a stronger supporter for your tribe.

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