Warning: If You Are Considering Dating a Taken Man…

The rules of engagement for this dangerous game are specific. Boundaries strategically set for an affair, a martyr placed in a position of weakness putting her (or him) at a disadvantage. The inner workings of this type of relationship are filled with pain, secrecy, deceit, and disenchantment. There is one winner, and women are often found on the losing end of this kind of pact.

Females of different backgrounds, ethnicity, levels of education and financial status fall for the tryst then find themselves with a common wish ”If only, he weren’t married, everything would be wonderful.” Smart, beautiful, successful women with nothing to envy anyone. Giving into relationships that mostly, offer nothing more than doomed situations.

It is a tale of two women in love. The first, at home taking care of his family and children. Her main role is to preserve the sanctity of his haven in a perfectly crafted life. Outside admiration from unknown folks buying into the picture of a united front. Expectations set at a high bar which can’t always be met. A love story that may have started with good intentions until partners encounter unhappiness and dissatisfaction.  Curiosity or frustration open a gateway to a compromising of ethics, morals, and personal integrity.

The second participant doesn’t always set out to risk her self-respect and worth to engage in this type of dangerous play. She may fall victim to a guilty pleasure. Although shameful, living as his “dirty little secret” somehow it becomes a strange norm. The forbidden fruit is bitten, creating excitement difficult to contain once ignited. Leisure travel companion, romantic dinners to make up for lost time. Stolen moments for a sliver of time together. Whether it sounds daringly enticing or vile, fact is someone will get hurt, particularly when parties have no regard for the innocent sitting at home.

Neither woman can claim to be victorious in this situation. There is no winning in betrayal. The emotional and mental deterioration that occurs as a result of the precarious romance is devastating for both women in some way, at times unknowingly.

AW is a no-judgment zone. A place to find unbiased stories that assist  different women in their personal journeys. The reality of an affair is that eventually the fraud will be exposed. If you are toying with the idea of dating a taken-man, consider a few things.

There are questions to seriously ask yourself if contemplating the arrangement. Analyze the various compromises the romantic ties will require. Regardless, if it’s an emotional or physical, these flings are painful and degrading.

1. Do you genuinely believe he is going to leave his home to be with you? Though there may be exceptions to the rule, married men don’t leave their wives. They have usually made their mind up to check-out of the relationship but walking out the door is a whole different ballgame. You helped open a pathway to a decision likely made prior to your arrival but putting a plan into action takes courage.
2. Do you want to assume the responsibility of taking care of the needs of someone who just left his significant other? People enjoy being pampered. Men rarely turn down an opportunity to be catered to. Your time and attention is a prize for him but how about you? What are you giving up in exchange for giving him your all?
3. There are two sides to every story, how can you be sure he is not without fault for the downturn of his marriage? You can’t be. He may say “his wife does not take care of him, mistreats or doesn’t understand him.” These reasons can create instability in any relationship. Neglect, lack of love, no intimacy, communication issues or tumultuous and antagonistic fights bring discord to any home. Take your pick, justification will be found by those that want out or need to rationalize their behavior.  But if he is so unhappy, why hasn’t he made the departure, yet? Pay close attention to what you are told, and even more attention to what he does. Do not blindly take his word as Bible.
4. What will you do if you are found out? Are you prepared to face the damage and anguish this news will cause a family? Is an affair worth your reputation? A mental breakdown can be triggered when an indiscretion is discovered. The repercussions from such findings are enough to throw anyone into a tailspin. Everyone loses in the mess of infidelity, so why engage?

We are human, and as a result of our mistakes, occasionally we choose to punish or deny ourselves of a good thing due to guilt and shame. If you think in some way you are not deserving of happiness, you may fabricate havoc to ensure you don’t get true joy. I am here to tell you that you’re wrong. Putting yourself in circumstances to cause injury to yourself or others in any way is unacceptable. Learning to love yourself past life’s wrongs, failures and wounds is key. Forgive yourself. Believe you deserve more.

5. What does self-worth mean to you? Do you love yourself enough to choose the very best for yourself or do you prefer to settle? Life is short, gifting yourself the best life possible is the way to a happier and more fulfilling existence. Rise up to be the woman you were born to be. Take the road less traveled by asking for more of yourself and others.

Relationships, life, and people are a complicated mess. There isn’t a perfect plan we can follow to get to the right place in our lives. Much of what we experience comes with incredible challenges but the good news is that we have a choice. When you put yourself first, commit to being the best you, answers come a bit easier. It leads you to make decisions that not only improve your life but put you on a path for a greater tomorrow.

If you are dating a man that is not yours. Remember that someone is waiting for him tonight. 

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