Lavish wedding celebrations are prepared each season. Couples deplete savings, get families financial help, even take out loans to make this special day as memorable as possible. The special day arrives for all to enjoy the main event. The couple’s happiness can be felt by everyone in the room. When the party concludes and guests are long one, reality sets. Newlyweds begin a happily ever after – The End?
(Sound of record scratched!)
Well, not exactly how things work is it? Although, possible to have a perfectly long-lasting marriage. The reality is that close to half end in divorce. Divorce is life-changing and for some, outright agonizing. As many others, I’ve lived the heartbreak that comes from a separation. One of the most difficult ordeals you can experience. It’s capable of causing great disruption especially when the divorce is described as high volatility – emotions are rampant. Grounds for divorce will vary along with reasons for dissolution. A number of grounds can cause resentment leading people to get very angry. These feelings can bring on irrational behavior exasperating a situation. The other side of the coin might be extreme sadness leaving one of the spouses in severe pain. Either way, no one wins. It is a wild rollercoaster ride that could make you feel like you’ll never get off.
My insanely high-octane, high intensity ride almost brought me to my knees. For years, I felt everything was out of control. It’s fair to say that a lot of it wasn’t within reach to repair. I was only able to steer my side of the ship so it wouldn’t sink me into a pit of despair. I made 3 key decisions that helped maneuver the crazy ride I was on long enough to finally jump off:
- Make a Choice to Exit the Emotional Rollercoaster: People will only do to you what you let them do. If I give away power, I’m allowing him to take me down. Having someone control how I felt was not how I wanted to continue to live my life. I made a choice to let go which helped me find strength within to fight another day.
- Set Boundaries: Let people know that you won’t let them hurt you. You can do this by putting in place the smallest conditions. Refrain from engaging in bad behaviors. Don’t answer negative emails, text messages or insults. All communication should be done through your lawyers, mediators or court. There is no need to fight fire with fire. Doing so, will add flames to an already large fire. Indifference can be more powerful than people think, so much that words are not needed. If you refuse to enter the ring or drop out of the fight there’s a better chance your opponent will perceive a win. Possibly, backing down temporarily which can offer the pause necessary to further strategize.
- Make Yourself #1: You are the most important person in your life. Take charge of it and proceed with actions that reflect your best interest. Put yourself first by taking care of your mental health. Don’t let your ex-spouse or ex-partner push your buttons. Silent protests can speak volumes. If you are in balance, the rest of the world follows suit. It will take a vast majority of patience and time to find the healing in all of this – it is possible.
“Silence is the Most Powerful Scream.” – Anonymous
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