Many of you reading have experienced the world of dating, possibly marriage. Men and woman can make mistakes that lead to the culmination of relationships. It’s life’s harsh reality, reminding us that relationships aren’t easy. Unless you are of a select few getting prized on the first try. Beginner’s luck is the unicorn of dating. Meeting your one great love right out of the gate is not the norm. For most of us, trial and error are closer to the results of a major dating experiment. Relationships end every day with and without explanation. You don’t always understand the why behind it but there are behaviors that squeeze the joy out of old and new love.
Young relationships are a learning tool. You train on the do’s and don’ts, as well as, boundaries or lack of them. It’s challenging because we’re getting to know ourselves at the same time. Imagine juggling the task of finding one’s identity while getting to know a partner and how to carry the relationship, successfully. It is a tall order that is tough to fill sometimes.
Experience is a ruthless wake-up call. I can tell you after two divorces that there is extreme value in knowing who you are, understanding your worth and standing up for what you believe. These are things no one can take from you. Once you have them in check, you are better prepared to fight toxicity that could arise in any relationship.
I have seen a variety of lethal behaviors in past love affairs. These ”relationship killers” as I like to call them can put you and your Boo out of business not long after the rotting begins. Maybe, sharing them will alert you to trouble ahead. If might help avoid the issues if we are aware or see the signs in advance.
1. Suffocation: Suffocating a partner is a dangerous game. Although the initial stage of love leaves us spellbound, it doesn’t mean it should be the intoxication of drunk love. Both partners need to spend time with other people outside of one another. Spending time with friends, family or colleagues is completely normal. Don’t feel that you have to blend into one person. Each of you is entitled to your own time. Strangling your partner with attention may overwhelm and add unnecessary pressure to either or both parties.
2. Betrayal: Disloyalty of any kind is deadly when quiet resentment decays the relationship from its inner core spilling out. In some cases, forgiveness is possible if there is true acceptance of events. Otherwise, it becomes a venom that produces emotional pain for the person at the end of the treason. The hurtful circumstances are difficult to overcome but not impossible depending on the people and situation.
3. Lack of or Non-existent Communication: Solid communication is something couples should constantly work to achieve. It is necessary to have difficult discussions about unhappiness caused by any dissatisfaction derived from neglect or avoidance. You can’t fix something when you don’t know it’s broken. Often times, relationship problems balloon because no one is talking.
Relationships young and old take an enormous amount of effort, time and understanding. Compromises will be made along the way to soften the blows to either of you. It is improbable for both partners to get exactly what they want, however, if needs are met regularly then the rest can be worked out with a decent exchange of information helpful to assess emotional or physical needs in the union.
The key to stopping any of these issues from poisoning the relationship is to acknowledge, respect, love and be considerate of each other’s feelings. Forming true connection includes having empathy for the person you care about that includes listening, as well as expressing your own thoughts.
Don’t be discouraged too quickly. If the relationship is worth saving, both of you should be willing to collaborate on the work to be done. Your love can be saved by injecting the proper antidote of love and attention on both sides.
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