It’s Not You – It’s Me!

Women everywhere have been burned by these words. Right before he walks out on the relationship you’ve tried so hard to keep together. A relationship that has become an arts & crafts project. Why? Simple, you’ve been the one finding creative ways to keep him happy. So, how is it that he turns to you one day and says “You’re a wonderful girl but I can’t do this anymore. We have to end this. It’s not you, it’s me.”

One of two things can happen at this very moment. Either you feel like the walls are crashing down on your heart. Or the smoke signals that he was giving off in advance of the announcement already had you questioning if the union could stand the test of time. If the latter sounds familiar, the breakup was a relief. It spared you from initiating the end all conversation.

When a guy says “It’s not you, it’s me” believe him. More times than not, this is the guy who doesn’t know what he wants or not ready for the relationship. If you aren’t on the same page then why invest emotion, energy and time in someone who doesn’t share those same feelings? I’ve been there, done that. My ego was convinced I’d be the “it” girl. The one to open his heart to the possibilities. He would fall madly in love with me then change. In my defense, I can argue that the attitude was more my naive nature than ego.

Today’s mindset is very different from the past. A shift that sheds a different light on experiences had with relationships. The “It’s not you, it’s me” line has become a bit of a cliché. An easy way out of sorts, a line that allows one to squeal out of discomfort with your dignity. At the same time, I’d have to state that it’s also sympathetic. A way of showing that you want out but not necessarily hurt the other person. Of course, in the moment we hear the object of our affection spew the mini break-up speech. We stop the constructively listening. Everything after the break-up line falls on deaf ears. It doesn’t matter what words he uses because we’re hurting.

We’re made for connection. There will be more than one person we gravitate towards in a lifetime. The unfortunate side to this amazing gift is that not everyone we couple up with will be a keeper. Fair to say, it’s a disservice to fixate on one hitch.

Pain is a side effect of the culmination of a relationship.  The sting can be worse when you don’t see things coming. Inevitably, feelings of rejection overwhelm the senses. We take an emotional hit in the gut. There is an alternate reaction considerably less traumatizing. I challenge you to take control on the situation. Flip the script on the uncomfortable and melancholic moment.

Take pause, if he or she says these words. Ask yourself a few questions:

*Do you owe it to yourself to take inventory of the relationship?

*What are you truly losing other than the coupling effect that you can’t live without?

*Is it possible that his exit is life’s way of making space for something better or bringing someone to you that is worthy of all your gifts?

Let this be your mantra to combat the negative moment – repeat “It’s me that’s too good for you.”  Love yourself more than anyone ever could because that’s the type of love that fills you up.

It isn’t you, rather he is someone that is not meant for you. Let him go.

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