Lets face it, relationship resumes aren’t always strikingly impressive. In fact, many of us have kissed at least one frog. The part of the tale where the frog turns into a prince after a magic smooch? Well, that is incredibly deceitful!
We’ve made some questionable choices in men. A combination of youth, inexperience or low self-esteem can cloud judgment. Who isn’t guilty of doing the same? Our thought process distorted by any number of things. Naivety or intoxication caused by great physical chemistry often leads to unclear thinking. Feeling like we’re taken hostage by the enchantment of love’s power. He can be the gentlemen dressed as a player, charming liar, bad boy, narcissistic prince or just emotionally unavailable. All the wrong men.
Anyone can be swept away by the rush of emotion wrapped in a blanket of love and passion. In the end, unlikely it’s worth the fleeting moments of bliss. But, somehow we continue to weave a dating pattern of wrong men – despite the red flags waving in our faces. That is until clarity strikes demanding attention. We wonder “Why do I always date the wrong guys? Where have all the good men gone? I am a magnet for bad men?”
One of the many realizations confronted during my journey as a woman is that I’m the boss of me. Meaning, as an adult woman, I’m in charge of my decisions. This has forced me to look at how I’ve played a part in the history of my failed relationships. We show people how to treat us by the way we care for ourselves. If we choose men that mistreat us, don’t value our contributions as partners then how can we expect them to treat us any differently? We lead by example. If you show your worth, he will either follow suit or get off at the next stop. If he does, good riddance! There’s a train every 20 minutes! as a friend once said.
It’s essential to understand – you don’t have to accept bad behavior. There are signs “wrong men” give off to signal trouble ahead. These few tips can help improve your choices before getting involved.
1. Be Honest: Something incredibly difficult to do with others, even more so, with ourselves. How can we tell the truth if we don’t own ours? You can’t. In the past, I’ve invested too much time and energy in convincing myself a relationship will work. My ability to believe a man would change for me was blinding. I became gifted in the game of quiet denial. It took years of self-work to see that wishing was not going to make it true. Seeing potential in a man by no means signifies that he’s capable of reaching it – or that he wants to. The best way out is through like a bull. Tell yourself the true story, uncut with no edits. You will see a clear picture of who he is, to help you make informed choices.
2. Know What You Want: Do you know what you’re looking for in a partner? Or do you date them all hoping to find love? The latter will set you back. It didn’t work for me, instead this fool’s game turned my love life upside down. Heartbreak and disillusion by guys that didn’t value the relationship. In short, know what you want in a man. It’s also important to know what you don’t want.
3. Understand the Stories You Believe about Men: If you think they’re all cheaters and liars. Newsflash! You’ll end up attracting that very type into your life. We all have a story. Many of the doubts, fears and beliefs we have come from childhood. Things seen or lived as a child affect us in dozens of ways during adulthood which trickle into our relationships. I learned that I had to aware and really know my story in order to understand the choices and actions that had taken place. It’s a tangled web requiring patience and self-love in its unraveling. But it is absolutely worth doing the work.
4. Get a Grasp on Your Worth: Do you know your worth? Are you a good woman or a martyr? There isn’t a reason good enough to justify you having to sacrifice yourself. How much you put up with has no weight on your worth. Don’t buy into a lie that will coax you into accepting men who treat you badly or abuse of your kindness.
5. Believe: In yourself! Be relentless in the pursuit of your happiness. You can have the love you desire. The woman you are deserves a good man. Trust that you are can have someone who will respect, value and honor you as his partner and human being.
Women can be forgiving, kind and trusting. I’ve learned to temper how much I give, as opposed to handing over all of me. It takes practice, so I constantly remind myself that I’m a priority. People show you who they are, it’s up to you to see them with eyes wide open.
A good man will do what he says he’s going to do. The wrong man will say what you want to hear to get you to do what he wants. Changing your behavior will attract different men into your life. We create our reality.
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