Sex and Relationships

The occasional girls catch-up lunch, drinks, or spa day conversation can be an eye opener. Girl-chat is often uncensored and covers a wide spectrum of topics. It enlightens me on the various ways couples disagree relationship when it comes to matters in the bedroom.

Decades ago marriages were mainstream. The model was usually a carbon copy of the union carried by our parents, neighbors, family and friends. Modern society has changed all that today. Everyone seems to have a different normal. This topic will apply whether married, living together full or part-time.

More and more we come across couples not afraid to go against the grain. People are less intimidated about being open and honest when expressing their needs. Sex is an important aspect of relationships. Men and women often argue about how often, who initiates, or about sex as a chore. There is a wide spectrum of conversations taking place that leaves me with a burning question. What do you do when desires don’t match up to your partner’s? Should you feel obligated to take part in the act to make your him or her happy?

Committed relationships are a give and take – a compromise. I enjoyed 10 years of togetherness before divorce. It isn’t rare to romanticize marriage and love, to the contrary, it’s quite common. We spend time, money and energy dreaming away about the lives we’ll have with our significant other. There’s lots of planning but who helps us learn the ropes once it’s official? You’re moved in or married sharing a blissful existence until a rude alarm wakes you up.

Responsibilities go live once the celebration is over. As women, we fulfill the role of wife or life partner. It takes a toll. Cultural differences set an outline for the way we define and play the part at home. Whether or not you’re hypnotized by instant attraction when meeting your partner, expectations are that you’ll satisfy each other’s emotional, as well as, physical needs. But issues may arise when daily life takes over. It puts pressure on women and men alike, to perform.

What do you do when you’re not in mood? Tired, stressed and truthfully, feeling like you can’t function properly. Do you use the honest card and call a time-out? Or push forward to please your significant other’s desires?

For a long time, perception has been that as a wife or partner, the woman is supposed to satisfy her husband’s needs. Possibly, more so than the other way around due to subtle views of the patriarchal society we continue to challenge.

The answers to this question widely vary depending on who you ask. I got an interesting response during a recent conversation. Point of view provided during friendly girl chat. Is it fair to assume that it’s your partner’s obligation to take care of your sexual needs? If your partner isn’t available for any number of reasons, should you take care of yourself?

As women, we have to be able to prioritize our needs. Expecting that anyone is responsible to make us feel complete in any way defeats the purpose of empowerment. We want to enjoy having a partner instead of needing to have one.

While some may feel obliged to fulfill, should they, really? Shouldn’t we be responsible for ourselves? However, with this said, there are compromises to be made on both sides. These are sometimes necessary to help a relationship move along. Being in touch and sensitive to each other’s needs could be important enough to entice you to go out of your way sometimes to make him or her feel wanted. Reciprocating a little extra attention can go miles on the relationship path.

Each relationship is as different as the people in it, therefore, there are many factors that will be taken into account when having these conversations. The solutions should accommodate both partners. You should do what works best and is most comfortable for you within the constraints of the relationship you are living.

In no way is this article intended to minimize the importance of connection and timing. Couples thrive when all the right pieces are in place to set a mood. My goal is to evoke thought by providing a fresh outlook that will start a conversation.

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