I recently heard the story of a woman who had been in a relationship for 5 years. She loved her boyfriend very much. They had grown close over time. Sharing all kinds of special moments while dating. But uncovering a betrayal forced her to question everything, rightfully so. Confronting her truth was one of the toughest things she’d ever do but it had to happen.
The woman we’ll call Sophie was accomplished. Lack of support from parents which were still bitter after a long divorce left her feeling lonely at times. Her outlook on life was positive despite the family’s squabbling. A strong circle of friends kept her standing strong. She held down a decent job as marketing assistant. Overall, you never heard a complaint from her mouth. She was flexible and unassuming. Happy to just spend all her time with him. He offered a sense of security and stability in her life. She gave him all of her unconditionally.
She met Alex during her last year in college. They were inseparable from the beginning. First real relationship for her which made news of his cheating feel worse. The day she went to him with her claims, he tried denying it. Then came the proof of her discovery. It was all on social media for everyone to see. There were pictures, videos – it almost seemed on purpose. Did he want her to find out? Possibly, a cowardly way of ending things.
Finally, after a dragged out conversation, she heard him say those words we never want to hear from our beloved “I’m sorry, didn’t mean to hurt you but my feelings for you have changed. This relationship isn’t working. I want to see other people.” She was left speechless, the words she uttered afterwards were as astonishing as Alex’s words. The monsoon of tears would not change his mind. The sadness in his eyes seemed real but so was the decision to break it off. She pleaded with him to stay, “Alex, please don’t leave me. I love you. What will I do without you?” Sophie implored him not to leave her. He left that day. Never looked back.
Have you ever begged a man not to leave you?
Sophie is one of many, guilty of allowing the love for a man get bigger than the love for ourselves. Women may condone mistreatment, cheating or any number of disrespectful and cruel acts in the name of love. The reasons we offer others or ourselves vary from the common to the insane. Rationalizing why we might put up with the toxicity is irrational, yet human.
We all want to be loved. It’s everyone’s desire to have someone that will be a witness to their lives. A person to share great moments. But also be there to help pick up the pieces in bad times. Being loved is a human need. When we feel we’ve found it, the idea of letting go is unacceptable to the heart, even mind.
I’ve accepted some of my own truths in this department. There is power in giving and accepting love. The issues come when the love for another becomes greater than than the one we have for self. We should never feel like we have to beg anyone to stay. A re-evaluation must take place if you come to that point. The person in a relationship with you needs to recognize your worth. However, before he does, you will have to acknowledge it yourself.
If someone does not want to be with you. Let him go to make space for a man that truly values you. You cannot save a relationship that does not want rescuing. You have an absolute right to be sad or upset during the mourning period. The one thing you shouldn’t do for too long is take a seat at the self-pity table. From experience, I know how hard it is to accept an ending. Feelings of rejection are inevitable but we can overcome pain.
If he lets you go, he wasn’t meant for you. Try to see this break as a way to make space in your life for the guy that is deserving of wonderful you. So, if you’re a woman gong through something similar, tell him to go and not let the door hit him on his way out. You will be stronger for it.
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