Getting it right on the first try is not the expectation. Our picker during the younger years can be affected by anything from hormones to blind lust. Choosing a partner who is right for you is difficult when you are not setting proper boundaries or acknowledging your worth. The idea that it’s okay to wait for the right guy isn’t always embraced but is crucial to remember. These mantras are useful to keep in mind before entering (or re-entering) the dating world. I believe sharing these helpful tips with the women in our lives can help navigate the often exhausting exercise. Keep them in your back pocket for the day you make a splash at the oasis that awaits you.
Greg Behrendt, Co-Author of “He’s Just Not That Into You” and Author, “It’s Just a F*! Date” was interviewed on Oprah’s SuperSoul Sunday along with his wife, Amiira Ruotola. During the chat, the couple discussed some blunders women often make during the dating phase that can hinder them from having a successful experience.
On average, personal dating stories are very bad or good depending on several factors. You get what you put into it, is one approach. Give a little at a time without investing everything, too early is another. Post-divorce, I wasn’t necessarily itching to go out on a big quest for a new love. For some time, dating was a chore, definitely not a fun time. Present-day, I realize there are a some things I could have done differently to improve the process, starting with the selection of candidates. But no regrets, as I am where I was meant to be.
Do any of Behrendt‘s fumbles ring familiar?
- You Do Not Complete Me. It is key to know you are enough on your own. Whoever you choose will complement you not make you whole. You are already complete, girl!
- Dating is Fun! Think of dating as a test drive. You wouldn’t buy a car without knowing what it can do, would you? Understanding a partner’s assets is crucial. You should have an idea of what he (or she) brings to the table, as the other half of the relationship. In the meantime, enjoy the ride and have fun as you get to know people. Make friends, and socialize to take off some of the pressures put on by society.
- You Attract What You Give Off. (You attract what you are) Generally in life, put your best foot forward. Open up to the world of positive thinking. Cautiously, give others an opportunity to know you, in turn, you will draw good vibes.
- Sex Will Not Guarantee a Closing. Physical intimacy does not guarantee an emotional connection. Having great sex does not secure a relationship. You cannot hold anyone down with physical attraction alone. There needs to be depth and meaning to make a lasting bond, otherwise, things eventually fizzle out.
- Feeble Men Can’t Handle Your Success. Wait for a man that is not afraid to let you shine. Do not dumb yourself down or roll over to stroke a man’s ego. Staying true to who you are is essential for happiness. No man or relationship is worth such sacrifice. You are too valuable to the world to hide your gifts.
These mantras are powerful and a solid start into the journey of dating. I “winged it” as they say which made life miserable. Flying by the seat of my pants was exciting to a degree but deprived me of good options. If we don’t set limits, we end up accepting almost anything. Use dating as a tool to meet people, instead of making it a bear trap.
Thank you Behrendt for the sensible input! Haopefully, we can all take a little something from his nuggets of wisdom.
Happy Dating, Ladies!
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